As a history buff, I finally find myself defeated. This is the first time that I am absolutely completely stumped at something when it comes to history, man. Because internet research assignents are the dumbest fucking thing in the world, next to shit like Jethro Tull. Flutes will never be cool in any way, shape or form. But anyway, there's nobody around to help me because everyone who actually does their homework goes to bed at 8:30.
If there is one major event in American history that I just cannot stand learning about is the Cuban Missile Crisis. Quite frankly, that hideous movie, Thirteen Days, is what ruined the whole damn thing for me. The only thing that I learned from that movie is that the president has a special assistant, and that Kevin Costner is not from Boston. He can't pull off the accent worth half a shit. He sounds like he's trying to swallow marbles down his throat while assisting JFK at the same time. That is utterly unprofessional.
Speaking of Jethro Tull, I was practically dying in the car when they came on the radio. I was sitting in the backseat so I had no control over the dial, and if I asked my sister to change the station it would take her as long as the song lasts to actually understand what I am trying to ask her. Yeah dude, she's that slow. I once heard from somewhere that a lot of times, the first child is always the brighter one. But oddly enough I probably took all the brains out of my mom so my sister has nothing. That probably explains her lack of speed to think.
But then again that's probably bullshit and I'm probably just talking out of my ass.
Seriously, who the fuck would think that people would actually enjoy and take seriously an entire album with not guitar solos, but flute solos. You've got to be fucking kidding me. It's horrible. Ian Anderson, wake the fuck up and realize that you suck. Your music sucks. Your hair style sucks. Your stage performance sucks. Your flute sucks.
Oh yeah, and then fucking Boston came on. What the fuck was with that DJ? Boston and Jethro Tull in one block? Holy shit, asshole. Oh yeah he even played The Beatles too but I'll spare you my Beatles insults for now. Yeah man I can feel your blood boiling right at this second. Dissing The Beatles is like dissing Jesus. I understand. But everyone makes fun of Keith Richards. Why can't I make fun of how ugly Ringo Starr is?
So Keith Richards just recently fell out of a tree and survived, having suffered a head injury. No wonder everybody makes fun of him. He made a deal with the devil fifteen years ago when he died. That's why he's still hanging around. He's hanging around, literally.
I would really like a new computer. It's about six years old and most of the hardware (printer, speaker system, etc.) is surprisingly able to hook up to it because in about two yours this shit is going to be obsolete to the world. But everyone in their right mind knows that one who makes a living on their asian parents and a weekend job at Pier 1 Imports cannot possibly earn enough in a reasonable amount of time to afford a new computer. No, I'm not like one of those fucks who buy new cars every few months or gets new iPods every holiday or gets a new laptop every year. Cut me some slack here, Bill Gates. Stop thinking about those billions of dollars and make all of your shit compatible with one another so there is no such thing as "obsolete."
Today I went to Target to replenish on some mascara and to use up my cheap ass $20 gift card. A measly Almay mascara, mechanical pencil lead, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Blood Sugar Sex Magik fucking costs almost $25 in all. That's lame.
At work it was dead, so I asked Debbie if I could go to Starbucks. She was telling me about how there's this cute guy there who has dark hair and blue eyes, pretty tall. So I go there and he was working. Turns out he's gay. But he was nice eye candy anyway so I forgive him.
I just have to laugh because think of how hard it is for James Iha to get his eyes open like that.
But don't worry, I totally relate.
Christina N. @ 11:19 PM
Friday, April 28
Oh man, that annoying clingy chick who I talked about before - nobody had to go apeshit on her and tell her off. She just spontaneously turned and walked away yesterday. I tell ya, I have powers. Not really. I'm just fucking lame and she finally realized that.
So musicwise, I'm going nuts. For someone with such a huge collection of songs and shit, for the past two weeks my ears have heard absolutely nothing but The Smashing Pumpkins. They're so good dude, I fucking swear. I constantly ask myself, "What the fuck why haven't you really considered them earlier?" I don't know, but that little man inside my head that tells me what to do or what not to do should get fucking fired.
Work has been really dull without my junkie buddy around. He went on vacation, I think, and there's no one to talk to except for Debbie, Jess, and a shitload of other chicks who seem boring to me. Yeah and there's the new assistant manager, Jon. He scares me but I don't know him well enough yet so basically I need to shut up.
Sometimes I really wonder how I got that job in the first place. I couldn't give less of a shit about vases, dishes, and furniture, and in addition to that, I absolutely suck at talking. Seriously, meet me in person and it'll be like talking to Bob of Jay and Silent Bob who isn't as fat, white, and hairy. If I were able to speak like a motherfucker, I wouldn't be selling fucking chairs and dishes right now. I'd be selling third-world countries to colleagues of Fidel Castro.
Christina N. @ 4:16 PM
Tuesday, April 25
10 THINGS YOU HATE IN GENERAL:
1. Gwar
2. sports
3. American Inventor
4. administrators
5. Dunkin' Donuts employees
6. knee socks
7. Rent
8. legumes
9. Shakespeare, stupid son of a bitch can't speak english correctly
10. "Video Killed the Radio Star"
9 THINGS YOU WANT TO SPIT ON:
1. the KKK headquarters
2. anyone who proudly lives in Georgia
3. a bucket
4. an emo kid's head
5. St. Cecilia's Church
6. Oprah's shoes
7. spit shine Billy Corgan's head
8. Gilbert Gottfried, just to see his reaction
9. Simon Cowell so I could get the ultimate "Simon Cowell treatment"
8 PEOPLE WHO YOU WANT TO SHOVE A BOOT UP THEIR ASS:
1. Dani Filth
2. annoying/nosy neighbors
3. yoga fanatics
4. drama nerds
5. clerks who can't speak english
6. Barry Manilow
7. Michael Flatley
8. Chingy
7 MEDIA-RELATED THINGS YOU HATE:
1. why the word "paparazzi" looks too much like "pizza"
2. VH1 All Access: I'm a Fucking Tool
3. La La
4. Sway
5. Gideon Yago
6. why Kurt Loder disappeared
7. I don't give a flying fuck about Britney, SPF, and K-Fed
6 THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T EXIST:
1. celery
2. bondage pants
3. sexy men who are narcoleptic
4. Gilmore Girls
5. anime porn
6. Digimon, because Pokemon kicks way more ass
5 SHITTY BANDS:
1. Fall Out Douche
2. Three Days No Fucking Grace
3. Panic! at the Shitco
4. Cradle of Filthy Shit
5. Taking Back Noday
4 GUILTY PLEASURES:
1. Maroon 5
2. pate
3. David Spade
4. biology
3 PEOPLE WHO SHOULD DIE AND GO TO HELL:
1. Kate Moss because she makes me not want to shop and pay ridiculous taxes
2. James Blunt for writing horrible Pier 1 Imports music
3. I'll make it 6 people because all the Gotti brothers should die
2 HOTRODS:
1. the Batmobile
2. 1969 Dodge Charger
1 THING YOU HATE THE LEAST:
fuck this question
Christina N. @ 7:52 PM
Monday, April 24
If Business Management wasn't already shitty, it just got worse. The teacher asked if anbody knew what the first video that was ever aired on MTV was, and since the answer is "Video Killed the Radio Star," of course I thought about the song, and therefore played it over in my head. That song is the catchiest song ever to have been written in musical history; I'm fucking serious. The song fucking sucks too so it's a double bad. Three hours ago the teacher mentioned it. It's still in my goddamn head despite the fact that I'm listening to something else.
Oh, and my iPod might be on the brink of expiration. It kept freezing today and wouldn't turn off, so it just stayed on without playing any music so it was heating up like a vibrator until it ran out of battery power. I've been hearing about this myth where your iPod only works up to a point (about a year or two or so), and then you have to send it to California or some shit so that they could replace the battery. Or just bring it to an Apple store and supposedly they will fix it for you. That pisses me off, but the thing is, I don't think your songs will still be on there by the time you get your iPod back. My friend is on her second or third iPod (second or third provided free by the store) and every time that she got it fixed, all of her songs were gone.
If my computer weren't such an old piece of shit I shouldn't be worried about this, because my computer lacks sufficient space to hold all of my songs in so every so often I would have to delete a chunk of my music collection off of the computer, so their only remaining place is inside the iPod. So I'm basically fucked, man. I better find out how take songs off of my iPod and put them into another (and more fucking dependable) computer. Bitch, I can't lose all of my Rolling Stones. That's like watching your children falling down a well.
It's amazing how Sean Penn started out as this:
And now has absolutely no sense of humor.
But then again, I don't think he ever did. He's just a good actor. He never was a typical stoner. Come on, he fucking pulled out a pistol on his wedding day (with Madonna) and shot at a paparazzi chopper that was about 500(???) feet up in the air. He has no sense of humor. Never did, never will. Even if I like to piss people off for fun, I wouldn't go near that man. He'd probably gouge my eyes out with his tongue because that damn thing is so strong, he can't even speak correctly. Have you ever noticed that Sean Penn has some sort of a weird lisp? Normally I wouldn't take someone seriously if they had a lisp (Cindy Brady you're a fucking retard), but I'd take Sean Penn seriously. He's the shit.
I'm just kidding, just because someone has a lisp doesn't mean they're as dumb as the way they talk. But Cindy Brady is still lame.
That's right, bitch. Be gone!
Christina N. @ 5:37 PM
Sunday, April 23
Once again, I've failed in the self-control department. I bought a new bag.
I currently have eleven bags and it's probably not a lot compared to a lot of people but it is to me. If I keep up this habit, by the end of the year I'd have around forty or sixty. Dude, it was originally $78 at the Gap but they downed it to only around $26. How could you resist? You can't.
After a long and slow, lonesome day at work, I went with my mom and sister to the goddamn Rockaway Townsquare Mall. I fucking despise that mall and wanted to go someplace else but that woman said she's too lazy and doesn't have time to go to Willowbrook. For some reason it was extremely crowded today, and of course it had its fair share of teeny boppers and mall goths. Pretty fucking horrible. The people there suck balls and the stores lack sufficient quantities.
However, I did meet one nice person. If you live around here you've obviously been to Zumiez before and probably know how nice the employees are. Well one really bangin guy said hi to me and started asking if I needed help, but he totally dug me, man. He was wearing a Slayer t-shirt but that's okay. He even said goodbye to me after just browsing and walking around in one section without buying anything with the nicest and sincere smile ever. I swear that dude was totally digging this piece of asian.
We ate at McDonald's and I did not see John 5 there. Shaaaaame.
Then it was off to Borders where I got a boring fucking fat ass book for SAT help and a stunning book with a lot of Voltaire's writings in it. It's good shit, he's a crazy motherfucker, that man. I like it. The library never carries his books because they're too considered too controversial, and I finally found a copy. Which is lame, because there's tons of new stuff out there being issued into the stupid library that is way more far out and freaky than what he says. I'm just talking out of my ass I haven't even read enough of his writing yet to state a complete opinion on it.
I also discovered the lamest book ever written in the history of literature:
If it were about $3, then I would've purchased it just for shits and giggles. Let's see what celebrities have said about it according to Amazon.com:
"He's one of the sexiest men I've ever seen."
Jennifer Lopez
"Michael Flatley has a lifestyle to envy."
- Hugh Hefner
"We are very grateful that there are people like him in the world."
- Nelson Mandela
"If he wants to make movies, I'll co-star with him."
- Angelina Jolie
Christina N. @ 9:22 PM
Saturday, April 22
I had a dream last night where I stole a yellow Hummer and drove around running over everything in a town with a shotgun. Drove with my left hand and shot everything in my way while running over it with the Hummer, with the six barrel shotgun in my right hand, shooting shit through the windshield because it was broken already from blasting the shit out of it. I killed like two guys and totally fucked up the town and like hundreds of garden flamingoes. And then my punishment for it was about eighty-five years in jail and ten years probation. Started to almost cry like a fucking pansy about it but woke up before I did that or went to jail. Jesus fucking Christ that was weird.
Weird enough to probably be the script for the next Vin Diesel movie. God, that man sucks. He can't act, not even in a good bad way, and plus he looks like a fucking retard. He ain't hot shit. He's too bald and too beefy and no one could take him too seriously with that lame bullhorn-like voice. I give him props for being a bouncer back in the day but it still doesn't make him cool.
Christina N. @ 11:17 PM
Friday, April 21
From what I've seen from browsing Blogger for the past few years, the general trend for a blogger is writing and speaking to an audience, also known as readers. Granted, many of these blogs are quite the entertaining read but come on, stop trying to satisfy people's wants and start really talking about what you would like to. But then again, I'm the asshole here because I think I tend to scare people away with what seems like me being quite a fucking radical. The Maximillian Robespierre or Voltaire sort of radical. I don't think so. I'm just being honest.
My favorite types of writing are the ones that are raw and honest; nothing but the bare truth. Something straight from the core, something that practically no one has the balls to ever say, but the writer chooses to get up your grill anyway. I like that, man. Just like how I like my music - Skinless and controversial.
I like to call true conformists in the blogging world, as mentioned in the first paragraph, "commercial blogs." Seriously, they are. Sure, a lot of these blogs are interesting. But they are way too much alike. The world needs some diversity here. No wonder we haven't inhabited Mars or some shit like that yet.
Christina N. @ 10:10 PM
I have a big problem.
There's this little annoying girl with an annoying way of speaking that keeps hanging around me and a couple of my friends like white on KKK. This girl thinks we're all close friends with her and she is always coming up to us and interrupting our conversations to talk about herself. I have no personal space when she's around because she hangs around me like how I would want James Iha to. But just like how James Iha never would hang around me, this chick would never leave me alone. She's always yelling my name in her high scratchy voice from somewhere in the hallway and I always turn around and do a 360, wondering where the hell it's coming from and who the fuck is calling my name in utter confusion since she's so short.
Why does she suck so much? Even though I was smart enough to never tell her anything personal about myself, my other friends have seen undeniable evidence of her being a fucking liar - about having an elevator in her house, getting pregnant, owning designer clothes, SAT tutoring at some guy's apartment in New York, boys and all that shit. If you say anything remotely interesting, she'll go around talking about it to other people like you're fucking scum. This I could obviously see because she's always telling me shit about other people. I could care less about what's going on in other people's lives. It's none of my fucking business and she has no fucking business telling things about my friends to other people.
She never shuts the fuck up and whenever she's around, everything is about her and everyone else is basically supposed to listen and support her bullshit. Jesus fucking Christ. Why must people be such fucking dipshits in school? Surely in the real world people aren't as literal and bitchy. Probably because in a learning institution, that particular environment forces people to socialize and privacy is limited. Fuck you, fucking shithead.
Things couldn't get any worse when one of her teachers retired, and for some reason the new teacher's schedule has her taking the same lunch as my good friend and me have. My friend and I can't even have a good time, much less talk, because of that loser potentially spilling out all of our lives to unsuspecting ears. So lunch on B days basically just went down the toilet. The two of us just hang around pretty much in awkward silences because of the third party. It's pretty horrible. And plus, I have health class right before lunch so before I know it, she'll be following me out the door. Even if I do jump out of my seat like a jack-in-the-box on crack when the bell rings and run for my life.
So the thing is, you'd normally think I'd fucking tell this chick to take her ass and blow it off to someplace where she could go fuck herself. But to me she hasn't yet done anything outright and blatantly moronic. As a matter of fact all she's been is nice to me. But secretly she's a fucking dickwad, I know it. I don't know what to do, man. If I start spitting out curses at her like a badass motherfucker it would be sort of odd becaus I don't really have an obvious reason to. It's sort of hard to explain.
This girl just won't get a fucking clue. No matter how impersonal I am when talking to her, no matter how many times I walk away from her, she still finds me somehow. People need to get a fucking Common Sense Detector and get a life. Yeah, this bitch has even less of a life than I do.
If she keeps on nagging me and killing my fucking relationships with friends, I'm going to go fucking nuts. I almost already did today because it's about the third lunch that I'd had with her and I can't stand wasting such valuable time to talk to my friend; just sitting there talking about a bunch of sparse, unimportant bullshit because we can't say anything worthwhile in front of the other chick.
Christina N. @ 4:36 PM
Thursday, April 20
"Shotgun Blues" is by far, the worst Guns n' Roses song ever. I do not agree with the popular opinion of "My World" as being the suckiest Guns n' Roses song because it sort of reminds me of Nine Inch Nails and Nine Inch Nails is not crap. Use Your Illusion II used to probably be one of my favorite albums of all time and then the excess piano solos just stuck way too far up my ass. Fuck you, Dizzy Reed. And fuck you Axl for hiring that goddamn son of a bitch. Both of you turned the album into a fucking a sissy's paradise for the ears.
Use Your Illusion I now beats the second one in my mind. I don't like any of that piano pussy shit. If I want to hear a piano for the rest of my life I might as well sew my vagina shut with barbed wire.
I had a field trip today and never got a chance to take a piss afterwards, so I walked out of school early and speedwalked home. Well guess who stopped me? You guessed it; my neighbors. They fucking hollered through the window all these "Hi Christina!"'s and Karen started talking (from their kitchen window) about how she found her old wedding dress in the basement and was trying it on, and my mom even came over yesterday or something and they had fun. Like I give a flying fuck? Come on, I have to go pee, urinate, make my pants fit better. Do you really think I'd want to talk about something that you wore thirty years and thirty pounds ago? I was so aggravated and annoyed to the fucking core. They do this to me a few times every week when I walk home and when I leave school I want to fucking get out of there. No stopping me from getting home to my beloved porcelain shit bowl.
For some reason I've been stuck with teachers that never let me go take a shit. Dude, sometimes I really do need to take a shit. I stopped walking around the goddamn building twice to take up time instead of actually going to the bathroom, I actually shit nowadays. My math teacher doesn't let me go and then a fucking substitute teacher at the end of the day doesn't let me go. What the fuck, has everybody been protesting against bladder control all of a sudden?
The field trip was to the Morris County Courthouse, to see the Blackwell St. art on display by students in Morris County, duh. I entered something in of course and of course they're fucking idiots so my art didn't make it into the show. I really liked my entry too. Should've entered in a photograph of a piece of shit because that probably would've made it in.
I really like this. I don't know what the fuck they were thinking.
Had I entered this, it probably would've been accepted because even though it's some gorgeous shit, it's pretty fucking boring.
There was this chick of whom we kept seeing like ten or eighty pieces of crap that she made being displayed on every floor of the courthouse. Quite not so frankly, she sucks and she's boring. All she did was take pictures of original and unique shit like clouds, buildings, trees and emo kids. You know, lots of stuff that has never been done before by anyone in history. It's tools like that that piss me off and make things unfair for others. But you know, life isn't fair so I should just shut the fuck up.
Other than that the trip was very nice and Wendy's makes really good chicken strips.
Christina N. @ 5:05 PM
Wednesday, April 19
I just have to say that I cannot stop laughing at how James Iha looks like the typical happy pants japanese cartoon character, with the mail-slot eyes and shit. It's the funniest to me because I'm fucking asian too and I totally relate to it. Whenever it's too bright to see, my eyes shrink to nothing but mere lines, therefore rendering me partially blind. That's why whenever it's bright, I walk with my head down or else I can't see anything. So you say you want to be asian? I think not. Keep this advice in mind because if you're really willing to sacrifice 50% of your vision, then I guess, go ahead and pull a Michael Jackson.
When I was a kid and my parents and I would be sitting in a car driving somewhere and it was too goddamn sunny while I was looking out the window, my mom once asked me, "Christina, are you sleepy?"
That's how bad it is. And in case you don't know what typical japanese happy pappy face I'm talking about, it looks much like this:
I'm in the National Art Honor Society, can't you tell?
Speaking of japanese silliness, I got the most fucking amazing desktop ever.
Christina N. @ 6:47 PM
Tuesday, April 18
James Iha you so funny you so funny!
Christina N. @ 9:21 PM
I would just like to take a moment and say that Shaina fucking pwns! and I will be very sad when she leaves. Kudos to you, girl. I don't know what I'd do without you. Just keep in mind that you are not what I consider an "expendable friend." I can see us sixty years from now sitting on a white-washed porch wearing raggy metalhead t-shirts and reminiscing on old times while sipping brooskies out of straws because by then we'd have eaten so many special brownies together that all of our teeth are gone but our livers haven't left us yet like a true friend should. Everyone, you should also take this time to thank your liver for having to put up with all the bullshit that you eat and drink. Especially you, Duff McKagan.
Shaina I care about you so much I can't even say.
BFF's!
I swear we shall meet over the rainbow and become very close. This is how close we will be.
Christina N. @ 12:35 PM
Sunday, April 16
Motherfucker, if there was some kind of a genius out there that could invent a machine that would melt away all of the skin and nasty web-like things on clementines and oranges, I'd fucking pray to them. Yeah man, I'd actually pray for something because I don't believe in that lame shit. I was watching a movie called Doppelherz today and Manson was saying, "Do animals believe in God?" No, because they don't know anything. It's humans that made up this stupid bullshit, smoked crack and wrote the bible. Jesus probably walked the earth without turning anything into wine but "the big man upstairs" doesn't have feet. Why? Because there isn't a big man upstairs. The only big man upstairs or anything remotely close to that is that fucking monkey that lives in Chris Griffin's closet.
Humans came here way too fucking long after the first eukaryote that lived in a fucking hot spring existed. Here come these hominids who could walk on two feet arrived, now the big dude with a giant fucking beard exists. Yeah, I'll eat a Jesus cracker for that. I don't know the exact number of years about this crap, but it's a big goddamn number. Fuck math.
If you're a devout christian, or catholic, or whatever, you're probably saying I'm going to hell for that. Sucks for you because I'll be sitting on a 10x10-foot lounger having brooskies with John Wayne and his deceased lung while you're up in heaven eating crumpets and playing Yahtzee with Wayne Newton.
Wayne Newton ain't dead yet? He will be, don't worry.
Christina N. @ 9:59 PM
Saturday, April 15
I'm bored like a motherfucker. My family went to their friend's house for a barbecue or something. You know, that same house that I always claim to be completely boring and if I go I sit there for six hours watching reruns of I Love the '80s and waiting for Rush videos to be over on VH1 Classic because that house has DirecTV and TiVo. But even if that house has VH1 Classic, I still prefer being home than having to shit in that dirty bathroom.
I once watched part of Sin City there and to be honest, it bored me. Mickey Rourke or whoever it is with the fake Jay Leno chin, needs to talk faster if he wants to keep me interested. That movie has way too much hubbub surrounding it. So does Kill Bill. That shit sucks too. Probably because I'm biased against this stupid asian trend that's going on. Like in the '70s when it was cool to be black. Well in 2000 I guess it's cool to be asian. No it ain't. Our parents are still strict and we're still fucking elitist assholes who can't figure out which color to dye our hair so we pretend to be blondes.
Since I don't really have the authority to rent movies in this house, my mom rented Memoirs of a Geisha and Chicken Little the other day with her Blockbuster coupon. Memoirs was an exceptional movie I have to admit, but I dare did not watch the chicken flick. Fuck that, man. Fuck Pixar. Shove those computer graphics up your ass and make another animated Batman movie or something by hand. Yeah, that's right, the old-fashioned goddamn way.
Yeah, Mask of the Phantasm, that was it. I was like four years old when that came out on VHS and I made my parents buy it for me, probably from Shop Rite or something. It was so fucking cool that it came in a black box, not a pussy white one like those Disney videos came in. And it even had a comic book tucked into the back of it. It was the first comic that I'd ever read, and I didn't understand it. So I just watched the goddamn movie and chucked the book into the garage or something. It disappeared from then on.
I think I still have the video but I can't remember whether it was good or not. Since no one is home and I now have access to the only VCR left, I might as well go watch it and eat more clementines.
Oh yeah I even had enough time to make one of these pieces of shit:
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Christina N. @ 9:18 PM
My hands fucking smell like oranges because I just ate like ten clementines. I never knew that they were one of the greatest wonders of the world; fucking serious, man. After work, my mom drove us to Apple Farm, this organic produce store. They were selling bags of clementines and since they looked really cute and for years I've been hearing people talk about how great they are, so much so that they never shut the fuck up, I got her to buy a bag. Six bucks for like twenty or thirty of them, yowza.
So it kind of sucks balls that I won't be working (and closing) next Friday with my two favorite people. Turns out this new girl is staying until eight, though. My new stoner friend said that I should come anyway and just hang around, then he'd drive me home afterwards. I don't know, if I don't get back my Fridays in a couple of weeks, I'm complaining. I want my fucking dollahs.
Christina N. @ 5:46 PM
Friday, April 14
Tonight I closed the store with my two favorite people: a 48-year-old past druggie who is friends with a crack smoker who used to own a strip club, and an 18-year-old who's a junkie beyond belief. While the manager was locked up in the office counting up the day's profits, my friend and I were drinking some shit that he brought into the break room. It was some good stuff and some good times, man. He showed me his pipe that he made out of tin foil and I laughed my ass off because it was the most pathetic and hilarious thing I had ever seen.
He then yelled through the office door at the manager, asking if he could go out back behind the store and smoke his stuff. She said no for some reason; considering she let him do it last Friday and he came back totally fucked up and we all just laughed at him. However, she did let him smoke his Camels out in front of the store. So we just hung out there and stared at this amazing red Delorean-like-car-without-the-vagina-doors that was parked in front of us. And then he showed me more weed that was stashed in his pocket. I think it was strawberry-flavored this time, or could've been the drink that he brought that was strawberry but whatever.
My spring break has gone by pretty fast and I'm afraid when I go back to school on Monday, I will not be in a good mood. Jesus Christ, fuck that shit. B days piss me off. So does Panic! at the Disco and other shitsome bands like that who think having an exclamation point in their name automatically makes them talented. Same thing with any band that has some sort of a pathetic, purposeful grammatical error in their name. Such as:
hellogoodbye - Can't fucking use the space bar, nor the Shift button.
kthxbai - I know this isn't a band but it's still fucking retarded.
eyehategod - eyedontknow
Led Zeppelin - They don't count. Period. End of story.
I can't think of anymore right now but there's probably four or five more obvious ones.
Christina N. @ 10:35 PM
Thursday, April 13
Dude, how many people have covered "Dancing in the Streets?" There's David Bowie and Mick Jagger, Van Halen, and that other person whom I constantly hear blaring from the Pier 1 Imports speakers. There's probably at least five more versions that really suck balls, and someone told me one is half in spanish. I don't even know who originally wrote and performed the damn song.
Same thing with that song called "Layla." Derek & The Dominoes, Eric Clapton, and a thousand handfuls of other folks covered it. Even Eric Clapton and a few other dudes at once. Quite not so frankly, I'm sick of that song.
Yesterday morning at 8:00, my mother slammed open my door and surprisingly said that we were going to New York. Of course this was not influenced by my wanting but of by Jeannie's wanting because apparently I'm the undeserving asshole. So we shopped in Soho and walked down Broadway. Yeah, I did get an amazing pair of $70 shoes and two other cheap articles of clothing but the trip would've been much greater had I not been rushed so many times. I was particularly aggravated when my mom wanted me to hurry up and get the fuck out of this two-story shop called Lounge that had thousands of dollars worth of Rolling Stones memorabilia on the walls. Oh, I finally find something that I'm really fucking interested in and you make me leave? Just because I can't afford it means that I shouldn't bother looking at it? Goes the same for clothes. Like I give a shit, man. I make enough money to save a ton for the future and to buy few pieces of pricey clothing as opposed to a hundred pieces of shitty clothing. I never really spend my money on anything else because I don't have much of a life and I don't like anything else. Much like a close-minded motherfucker.
Spend it on music? Please, the fucking east coast overcharges that shit like it's fucking gold. Fuck that shit. I prefer my friend, The Illegal File-Sharing Program.
On the way home through the city, I snapped some pictures from the car. Some pictures are unusually small because my Flickr account exceeded the uploading limit and Photobucket is more like Bucket-o'-Shit.
A pimp! Fully-clad in 1970's car-lining carpeting.
A fat asian chick. That's an oxymoron right there.
A scary black guy playing with a bubble gun.
He thinks he's Clint Eastwood or some hot shit like that.
It's blurry, I know. Keep in mind that the car is fucking moving and this is focused to like 14x. 95% of Chinatown would be in jail if I take pictures of all of the bootlegging shops such as these two and handed them into the police.
We stopped at a red light next to this garbage truck, where someone seems to have thrown a raw meat sandwich at it.
Would you lick it off for $100 million dollars? It would cover all your medical bills, after all.
As if New York has enough shit being dropped onto the street.
This little old woman in Chinatown is a little too oldschool. Get a fucking shopping cart.
She was taking out the garbage out of this particular New York City garbage can when I noticed that she was wearing a Spiderman cap.
Christina N. @ 1:54 PM
Tuesday, April 11
So Ted Nugent has this hunting show on the Outdoors Channel. I don't get that fucking channel so I'm fucking aggravated that I don't get to laugh at his redneck drawl which he calls "talking." Goddamn, boy.
The End
Christina N. @ 6:46 PM
Wednesday, April 5
Alright alright alright, so I have this crazy guilty pleasure for: Enya. Man, that chick can make beautiful music. When I was a kid I'd hear her shit all the time because these commercials for some kind of most likely Time Life Music compilation CD called The Celtic Circle would always air on pretty much every fucking channel on TV. And her videos would always have anorexic blondes in them wearing white flowy dresses in forests running around with unicorns. I mean, who wouldn't like that? I'm telling you, I'd like it. Not that I'd want to be an anorexic blonde chick, but I'd like to be in an overly sun-exposed forest with with perfect grass and unicorns.
Oh, you irish folk!
I want an Enya CD for my birthday. Put that on your To-Do list. They should cost at around three bucks because she's probably one of the greatest guilty pleasures in the U.S. So is David Spade. Admit it, you fucking like him too.
I have to go to work on Friday right after school. That creepy motherfucker of a junkie better not be working because I seriously don't want to spend another six hours with him before I go on another family get-together where nobody will like me. He better have found some other Pier 1 Imports sales associate to follow around. Especially since it would be closing time, when employees just hang around and are forced to converse with each other out of "proper etiquette." Jesus fucking Christ. Which makes me hope that if he is working, it better not be just the two of us and the manager at night. That would suck balls, man. The last time we closed together was when I first worked with him, I think. That's when he showed me all that acid that he was hiding in his wallet that had Scooby Doo on it. Yeah, that day was cool but then he just got creepy from then on by not showing me anymore drugs with Scooby Doo on them, and just followed me around.
Did you know...
that Genghis Khan was a Mongol?
and Kangaskhan is a Pokemon?
The similarities are just so strikingly accurate!
Christina N. @ 9:01 PM
Tuesday, April 4
So I have a problem. Turns out that we're not going to DC just for flower watching and eating. We're visiting my dad's cousin and will have to stay at her house for one night. I have a deep phobia of staying at other people's homes. Why? Because:
1. Nobody's house is as clean as mine.
2. Nobody's water glasses are as clean as mine.
3. Nobody's bathroom is as clean as mine.
4. Nobody's floor is as spotless as mine.
5. 98% of the Asian-American population does not like me. That's a fact. The other 2% is my family and their extremely small number of friends.
But this time I will be fucking prepared. I will bring sandals to wear in case the bathroom floor is encrusted with endless populations of hair strands. That is the number one thing that a person will need when staying at another being's household: Shoes, motherfucker. I'm fucking OCD if you haven't already noticed. One of the worst experiences that I've ever had at someone else's house was when my family and I would visit a family friend in Virginia, who had like three or four dogs and they would pee all over the floor all the fucking time. We weren't allowed to wear shoes in that house.
My dad's cousin also has a 6-month-old baby. That's going to be fucking awkward because I am not a caring individual; a baby to me is just like a giant lima bean that moves. And I would not like at one point to have to watch over them. There's always that fear of dropping them and causing a nasty pizza-like explosion happen all over your living room.
You have just made a deal with the devil.
Christina N. @ 10:09 PM
Monday, April 3
Did I ever tell you that Martha Stewart's new show fucking sucks? Stop when you can, you fucking can't host a show the right way. Nobody knows if you have eyes or not, and your voice is more bland than fucking celery, man. And yeah, I hate celery too because I don't like to eat grass. Let alone sourly bitter grass. Not even with peanut butter. Celery sucks. Period.
Whatever happened to Martha Stewart Everyday, on every weekday morning? Now that show kicked ass. She baked cookies and did cute little arts and crafts in her cute little kitchen with the pastel-colored bowls and shit, without the unnecessary applause about nothing worth a piece of shit at all. It was awesome, despite the fact that it wasn't really every day. Or at least I remember it was on weekdays. I'm probably totally incorrect and the show really was on every day.
There's another thing added onto my To-Do List; When I get a car, I'm going to drive it into a cow pasture and just start tipping cows. Just slightly bumping into them with my front bumper and watching them fall over and moo for help. It's a new sport that's even less active than Nascar.
This weekend before spring break, my family and I are going to Washington DC to see the cherry blossoms. It would be nice for the first fifteen minutes, but after that I'd be fucking absolutely sick of it. So the five-hour drive would be pretty much pointless, except for new restaurants to eat at.
Christina N. @ 7:18 PM
Sunday, April 2
So I got to thinking, and with the help of a good buddy of mine, compiled barely a list of what I should be in the near future.
1. Victoria's Secret underwear model
Pretty much impossible because I lack the tits and height.
2. host of Headbanger's Ball
I lack adequate 24/7 people skills and I hate Lacuna Coil along with 10,000 other nU-mEtAl bands.
3. writer for South Park
This one is a good possibility, man. Probably.
Christina N. @ 10:41 PM
Saturday, April 1
A day cannot go by in my life without setting a minute aside to think about the Baldwins. No, it's not a religious thing. It's just a natural little spark in my head where I always think about the Baldwins for about thirty seconds once every day. What about the Baldwins? That episode of South Park where their mansion was bombed by airplanes and all the Baldwins were killed in the process. Mr. Garrison breaks down and starts crying when he hears the news.
The only thing I do religiously is eat red meat. If I could, I'd have a magic beef jerky cow follow me around for my entire life. And what I'd do is, when I'm hungry, I'd peel off the side of its body and eat it, because it's just 100% guaranteed fresh mesquite-smoked beef jerky.
I finally realized about my Baldwin sickness when I went over Lauren's house after school to watch The Usual Suspects for a project. The movie fucking kicked ass, man. She kept drooling over Stephen Baldwin, who I find alright at times but a lot of times he looks partially retarded. Instead, I had an unusual boner for Gabriel Byrne. I swear, that man is fucking bangin. Even if he is sort of old, I don't care. But then the both of us were totally disappointed when both guys were killed off. Oh, and I don't care if you've never seen the movie before.
What makes Gabriel Byrne kick more ass besides the fact that he's an irishman is that he was a fucking bullfighter/cook/archaeologist/spanish schoolteacher turned actor. Anybody who's a bullfighter kicks ass. Because Gabriel Byrne kicks over-sized ball-strangled mammal asses.
So I am extremely tired. It does not do good for the body to sleep five hours a night and eat nothing but brownies and peroggies all day. Fuck you school, you can't make anything that looks more sanitary than just simply brownies and peroggies. French fries get messy so screw that. Yesterday I ate:
egg everything bagel with cream cheese
snack bag of doritos
brownie
two funny bones
girl scout samoa cookies
girl scout thin mint cookies
hershey kisses
two pop tarts
half a chicken sub with mozzarella, red peppers and balsamic vinegar
ruffles potato chips
Lauren's pop didn't let me open the can of corned beef hash. That thing was off limits. My heart was broken for a few seconds but I eventually got over it.
Today when I went into work, I saw on the table in the break room tons and tons of food, purchased by the assistant manager for all employees to "inspire" us to make the rather large sales goal for the day. I practically did that stupid Macaulay Culkin shocked face with his hands when I saw it. So I ate half the jar of salsa dip with Tostitos and half the tray of brownies, what the fuck do you think? If I keep up this lifestyle, Keith Richards would still outlive me.
Christina N. @ 6:17 PM
