Platypus!
Christina N. @ 5:45 PM
Sunday, June 24
As much as I love to walk, the aspect of it that I hate so much is that in the state of New Jersey (or nowadays, the entire United States besides useless states such as North Dakota and Arkansas), there will always be some sort of hispanic guy or group either whistling, honking, or staring at you from afar. Why? Did god purposefully create a certain ethnic group that specifically lives to make your life so much more miserable? Not that I believe in god - it's a figure of speech. However, I do believe that there are some nasty-ass horny men out there who need prehensile necks so that they could fully satisfy themselves instead of objectifying women who would very much like to cut off their balls, roll them in breadcrumbs and deep-fry them to serve to middle school students.
Christina N. @ 10:54 PM
Saturday, June 23
So where do I start? As I am writing this, I am now a high school graduate; a college student!
Graduation was yesterday afternoon. It was lame. I don't feel too much different; and if you did, and you cried and cried like a fucking baby, then I think you would dehydrate yourself to death in the future when you buy your first house. The super enthusiastic families with 20+ members brought with them all of their air horns and screamers and shit when their kid walked to get their fake diploma - but when I walked, the whole place was dead quiet. Contrary to stereotypes, I have a very small family. And on the other hand, I think my popularity was in question or shock due to my "criminal reputation." What the fuck?
Okay, I'll tell you why. Two Wednesdays ago, my friend and I got suspended out of school for the last two days of the year for anti-religious propaganda and posing a supposed "death threat/hate crime" against some girl. We photoshopped pictures and left these signs around the school. Then some fucking cunt of a bitch found out what was going on and ratted us out. It was, quite simply, nothing but a joke and we found it pretty fucking hilarious; apparently, no one else has a sense of humor and completely mistook us for fucked up, "hardcore," "badass," psychos instead.
Seriously, the media has fucking brainwashed everyone to thinking that every little thing such as we did is a serious fucking matter and that a person is a crazy homicidal motherfucker just because they speak freely and open-mindedly. Ellen DeGeneres is not funny. George Carlin is, you fucking idiot.
Yeah, so we got suspended out of school for two days for something that turned out to be perhaps one of the most serious things that I have ever heard about in school environments that didn't actually involve open wounds and bleeding. The administration interrogated my friend and I separately and kept us out of class and such for a good two hours. She sat in the happy chair for ten minutes, while I had to sit in the happy chair for an entire class (an hour and a half). We never saw each other that entire day. We didn't get our final punishments that day, either. All we knew was that my friend's conference with her parents present was that Friday, and mine was an agonizing long wait away - Monday.
I guess they couldn't decide on our punishments right away because the offended party's parents were called and had a meeting with the principal or some shit. My friend, poor thing, had to sit in a room with all of them while being questioned. They gave her the dirtiest looks and contemplated opening a lawsuit against us. I think all of this happened as I was sitting in my guidance counselor's office, being counseled. Also known as "lame."
This is the funny part: My counselor asked me if I had ever thought of hurting myself. Are you fucking kidding me? Anyone, and I mean anyone, who has ever considered killing themself is a fucking pussy. Have some fucking common sense, man. Killing yourself is the wussiest thing to do about your "horrible life" and "problems," because you basically say that you are a fucking wuss (which you are) and that you completely give up on everything - therefore, it gets you nowhere. Suicide and self-mutilation does not solve your stupid fucking juvenile problems. You want to know what a problem is? Being on the verge of being arrested for the second time within a timespan of less than one year, risking the fact whether you graduate from high school or not, and getting a lawsuit slapped in your fucking face by a staunch, right-wing conservative Catholic family. Now that is what I call a problem. Not how all of your friends leave you, your boyfriend or girlfriend or tranny cheated on you and how your mom calls you a fucking slut while she fucks a new industrial immigrant worker in her bedroom every night.
My counselor even compared this situation to Columbine and Virginia Tech. What the fuck? I shop J. Crew and Banana Republic. Surely I do not yield Jericho pistols in my trousers. Just because I look Korean to the untrained caucasian eye doesn't mean that I am a homicidal stalker.
After the assistant principal left a voice message for my parents to tell them about my situation and the Monday conference, and making me sit in the happy chair for an hour and a half, he dismissed me to go home. I tried calling my friend right away, but she wasn't answering her phone. Later she tells me over her house phone that her father had taken her phone away.
So I go home and tell my mother about my suspension and whatnot. She said she was disappointed and the next day she lectures me and tells me that I am no longer allowed to go to Six Flags on the day following my graduation and that I am not allowed to get my license for anything other than going from home to work; so I would have to spend a couple more thousand dollars on getting a dorm at Rutgers in Newark. I was pretty goddamn distraught about it, but I knew it was just a bluff - and it was. I am getting my license next Friday and will be commuting to college.
Meanwhile, rumors float around the entire student body that two people got suspended for doing something about fliers and got into some serious deep shit. Even more rumors circulate that we got expelled and that there was a burn book involved. There also may have been word that weapons were involved. Alas, nobody knew specifically who the perpetrators were, except that one was asian (thanks). Thanks to Lauren, she went around and told various people that it was me who had done it after reading about concerned friends' comments about my disappearance on my Myspace. Because of her stupidity and disrespect of my privacy even before I knew what was going to happen to me in terms of arrest, lawsuits, punishment, and graduation, we are no longer friends anymore. I cursed and told her off over the phone last Friday night as I was eating my dinner as my partner in crime was on the third line making bear noises in the background, while watching Carlito's Way on TV.
When my friend called me about two hours after getting home from the whole fiasco that happened with the administration, we exchange information, stories and whatnot, and decided in the end that the whole thing was pretty fucking hilarious. What did we do, exactly?
We photoshopped an arrow pointing to the body with the name of a specific person that extremely annoyed us. Why does this person perturb us so? It says in the inspirational saying. Fucking Catholics and religious fucktards, man. Shut the fuck up about your beliefs - nobody gives a flying shit. You believe in religion because nothing else motivates you to work hard; you have low self-esteem and need something to guide you in the way because you are too weak of a human being to push yourself. And not to mention that all of religion is nothing but hypocritical bullshit. You say grace because you were so blessed that god gave it to you? No, you got that food because you worked a job for money, and you bought that motherfucking food with your money that you earned from working. Your motive to work so hard is not because of god's will - it is your desire to eat and feed your stomach in order to live. Fucking dumbass.
We also photoshopped an arrow pointing to the Jesus on the crucifix, saying, "my dick." That was added in there because, well, it was shoved in the girl's throat. LoLz Bl0wj0b!11!!
Then we printed out about thirteen copies in black and white so that it wouldn't look so much like my earlier infamous "Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop" signs, and so that it wouldn't drain my printer ink so much and waste my goddamn money over a little joke. Only about seven ever got distributed around the school on various walls, staircases, and bathroom stalls. The rest were kept to ourselves or flushed down the toilet after finding out that we had gotten caught.
So how did we get caught? Lita had been called down to the office as a witness and there she found out that some hispanic girl overheard my friend and I talking about the plan and "was scared and confided in the administration." I was really quite furious about this person's utter stupidity and dumbshittedness, but right now I don't so much care anymore because I basically got away with what I did; my only punishment besides my two-day vacation turns out to be that I wasn't able to attend Project Graduation last night. Not that I really wanted to attend that crap, because it's just a supervised party at Rutgers University or some shit and you play juvenile arcade games while having a vast food selection between the choices of pizza and soda. SO worthy of my time. However, I would still like to beat the living shit out of the person who caused me so much trouble if I ever find out and run into her one day. And if you want to rat me out on that last sentence, consider this: It was a JOKE.
Yeah, I don't feel like finishing this. So basically my accomplice and I hang out almost every day now, I walked at graduation, I can finally join all of my college friends in cahoots, am getting my driver's license next Friday, go on vacation to California from July 5th to the 19th. I also got a 30 cent raise at my job - I now make a stupendously spectacular $8.80 an hour. I also completely burned everyone by not disclosing any information to anybody at all about the situation and then showing up at graduation practice to surprise the fuck out of everybody; the girl that we had done all of the shit to now jumps two feet every time that I happen to go near her - I totally OWNED her, man. And yes, I did go out and buy a Mike Patton-related CD that I had been waiting two months for when it came out last Tuesday.
Christina N. @ 9:34 AM
Sunday, June 10
I think if my mom were to ever get pregnant again, I would have to kick her in the stomach. No joke, you know I would. And if that doesn't work, I will fill up her room full of wire hangers. I never wanted a sibling in the first place, and look what they did anyway. I swear, second time around - I ain't taking no mo' shit. The last thing we all need is another fucktard to worry about.
Not only would I kick her in the stomach for that reason alone, there's plenty of others. Bitch needs a reality check. Along with a spoonful of common sense.
Quite a bit has happened since the last update. I just don't feel like enlightening ya'll with da facts.
Christina N. @ 8:00 PM
Tuesday, June 5
A friend and I are supposed to go to an abandoned and supposedly "satanic" church this Saturday in the woods and launch off fireworks instead of going to Six Flags because of some rich cunt that rented out the entire park for the day. Anything is better than eating the same shit at Panera and bowling with Lauren. Yeah, I'm an asshole, I know. That's why I'm winning the "Biggest Asshole Award for All 4 Years" tomorrow at the Senior Awards Assembly.
Yesterday Kerry and I planted two tubs of blue cheese and a bag of white/green moldy peeled apples under the copier machine and an empty locker in school. Today those places smelled pretty oddly. Success! Sounds kind of childish, but that shit is funny nonetheless.
Christina N. @ 10:59 PM
