That creepy junkie from work won't stop following me around. Yeah, the one who I thought was bangin at first but then thought again and my opinion is now: "What the fuck was I thinking?" I swear, it was the glare from the windows and that the shopping complex shouldn't have been built facing the sun. I never heard again from the absolutely gorgeous dude who applied, which gives me more of a reason to be disappointed than your average Senses Fail-listener, wrist-slitting moron. Sure, Shaina has told me that some folks when they're high, tend to follow another person around in desperation of trying to look normal. But dude, this guy always fucking follows me around no matter how many other people are working, no matter how many customers need help, no matter how many other employees there are for him to follow. For example, one time I told him that I was thirsty and was going into the break room for a drink. Seconds later in the break room, I turn around after taking a sip of water, only to see that he had followed me in there to say something pointless. And seriously, he cannot be high every goddamn time that he comes to work. He's obviously got a boner for me in some way. No thanks. You're fucking creepy as hell.
Added to the fact that he keeps finding me to talk to me, with that scary dry personality of his. It's not even the cool monotone voice and personality that Tommy Chong has. I know, Tommy Chong is a bad example but you know I meant a cool stoner. I really can't think of one right now. And this dude can't even dress himself. His mother still buys all of his clothing even at the age of eighteen and seriously needs to update the hairstyle. Then, I'd probably find him better looking.
Yeah, I'm superficial. But aren't all of us? Otherwise we'd never be having relationships because nothing would be appealing to us, therefore not approaching other human beings as much. No social groups, etc. would exist.
I hope the guy never comes around to asking for my number or to hang out or anything. If at all, I'm more uncomfortable coming to work now because since our schedules are unusually similar, I'd always have to talk to him.
The thing about wearing long shirts and tunics is that when you're walking, it gets caught in your crotch. I don't like that feeling. I bet it even happens with certain dresses, but I haven't experienced that as much because dresses ain't my thing. Dresses in this day and age are way too risque. Oh, and since I'm a professional Olympic speedwalker, wearing a dress wouldn't exactly fit with that style of transportation. Especially with a lycra skirt or dress; Jesus Christ, that's boa constriction right there. No wonder Kelly Bundy always had her boyfriends driving her all over the place.
Christina N. @ 8:33 PM
Tuesday, March 28
So here's my story. I am again an object of discrimination by someone other than my own cynical ethnic jokes. This bitch is probably, most likely a racist bitch to begin with, added to her Shithead Factor. Jesus fucking Christ.
My mom and I were discussing today about me possibly transferring to a new school next year. There's an administrator who's been talking shit about me to her peers (AKA my teachers) and we've decided that there has just been enough of this fucking harassment. It all started last Wednesday when I was leaving the cafeteria with food to a crowded and extremely slow-moving hallway, so as dumb and impulsively as I acted, yelled out loud, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" Well the administrator was walking closer to me than I thought and heard my loud obscenity. I saw her and immediately said, "I'm sorry." She then proceeded to say something along the lines of, "Please keep such nasty things to yourself. These are Israeli students visiting our school, please have respect for them." In an attempt to ease the tension and anger from the woman, I tried to start casual conversation and said, "People not walking is nasty." She snapped back, "You're nasty."
And the thing is, I didn't see one single Israeli student. All I saw was familiar faces of whom I knew in my school. Standing in their friend circles, talking and talking, not paying attention to the blood clot of a traffic jam that they were causing to the lunch crowd.
Yeah, I was pissed when that was over, for like not even fifteen minutes. It was done. Caput. I told my mom that an administrator had called me nasty to my face when I got home. She lectured me on how I did wrong and that she didn't agree with the administrator because that was totally fucking immature act on her part for firing back at me with an insult like that, even after my apology. I accepted my fault, learned from my mistake, got over the fact that I was called nasty and life went on. I cpmpletely forgot about the experience from then on.
Until today. My math teacher, my fucking math teacher, asked if I had a minute to speak with her. She told me to sit down, she got closer and said that she'd heard from a teacher/administrator that I've been saying some "pretty rude" things towards this person, more than once. The administrator was telling her about a certain student who was going around saying unpleasant things and she fucking used my name to identify who it was. It took me a while to get the drift and understand who my teacher was talking about, and then I got so furious that my face turned red and I was so speechless at how low a bitch of the administrator is, that I was appalled and couldn't explain myself to the math teacher. (I didn't know what I should've said and explained until I sat back down in my seat.) She then went on to say about how shocked she was that such a supposedly nice and polite girl would say that, and how she lost a little bit of respect for me. What the fuck? First of all, why lose respect for someone who did one goddamn mistake and totally took acceptance of their fault and apologized? I fucking learned from that incident. Don't fucking judge me for one goddamn mistake that probably ten million other teenagers have done more than once in their lifetime.
And when you say that you've lost a little respect for someone, it still goes a long fucking way. You still treat that person with not as much sincerity as before. It's still the same fucking thing. So don't fucking say to me that you've lost "a little respect" for me because I can no longer think of you the same way as I could before.
The only thing I said to her was, knowing who and what she was talking about, "They did the same thing back at me." At the point she recoiled back a little bit, in shock. In shock that I could've just made up such a fierce lie, or that an administrator really did insult me. But overall, the teacher probably doesn't believe me and isn't on my side. Nor will she ever be again for any reason whatsoever.
There was another time when a certain teacher wrote me up for saying something rude to another teacher, something that she had nothing to do with. She wrote on the pink slip something that I did not say. I was forced to apologize to the woman that I had said the words to and the teacher who witnessed the whole thing that wrote up the pink slip got away unscathed, got away with writing something that I did not do or say, got away with lying and making me look worse. I always get fucked over like that in this fucking god-forsaken place.
So the administrator. That fucking dolt of an idiot. I'm fucking dead on serious. What the fuck kind of administrator is she to go around talking shit and lies about me, and directly using my name as a subject of conversation to her co-workers? Enough so much that one of those co-workers would come to me and ask to speak privately with me and "be aware that what you say can be heard by others." First calling me names, now saying bad things about me behind my back, and those bad things being said are lies and stretches? That is just too fucking low. I fucking got over it. She hasn't.
The administrator said to my teacher that I had said these obscenities to her more than once. More than once? What the fuck are you fucking talking about? You're talking about a bunch of bullshit to make me look bad. And the thing is, I don't know who else that she has deliberately told bad about me. What a fucking liar, being immature enough to call me "nasty" when I hadn't directed my obscenity to any specific human being, and now she's going around saying lies about me to her co-workers - An act that is extremely and riculously unprofessional. A fucking administrator - one who should respect their students' privacy, and in addition, just fucking respect them in the first place. She fucking disrespected me by:
1. calling me a name, even from that position of authority and supposed respect that you are supposed to have in that position
2. directly used my name in casual conversation to purposefullly make me look bad, instead of saying, "this student was saying this and that, blah blah blah"
3. made me look even worse by saying that I "did it on more than one occasion to her"
You fucking hypocrite, telling me to "keep such nasty things to yourself," and she goes on around repeating the same shit to others. Yeah, that's definitely keeping nasty things to yourself.
In the professional world you're supposed to get the fuck over it, get your job done, go home, deal with your family, wake up and go on with your fucking life. Not spit back at people with insults and then continuing to drag on the situation behind their backs, deliberately and directly using their name to intend further bad reputation. Using the situation in conversation is just fine, but she just blew this whole thing up into huge proportions by identifying the "obscene" student by their birth name.
What makes things even worse, was that she even spoke about me just a few feet behind my back yesterday. That morning I decided to carry my gym clothes and sneakers in a durable, big fancy French Connection bag because it wouldn't rip like a cheap plastic Shop Rite bag. When she and another male administrator were standing in the hallway, watching as the post-lunch crowd commuted in the halls, I walked by, carrying my big obnoxiously full French Connection bag. She proceeded to sneer right after I passed by her and the other administrator and says, "I hope that bag is for gym clothes." And then says some other shit that I didn't want to hear about me shopping or something.
What the fuck, bitch? When the fuck are you going to stop picking on the fucking tall asian girl who isn't a fucking tool who doesn't get excellent grades and doesn't dress like a fucking cuntrag? Yeah, I'm not the only person in the goddamn school who carries their gym clothes in an expensive store's shopping bag. It was an expensive store that I only shopped once at, and the bag happened to be durable and who the fuck goes out and buys a separate professional bag made specifically for gym clothes? Waste of money, man. Jesus fucking Christ, shut the fuck up and go worry about that tramp walking on your other side who's almost entire unimpressive stomach and ass is being exposed to the world. Leave me the fuck alone and get the fuck over what I did last week.
This fucking moron needs to be fucking fired, and fucking fired for good. I'm almost positive that I'm not the only one who she has fucked over; there's probably at least one hundred more students in my school who have received the same, if not worse treatment, from her. I want that fucking bitch gone. If not, I want a formal apology from her, to my face. Not some fucking phony letter or second-hand, second person message of apology.
My mother said that she'd take my father to the fucking school tomorrow and get this shit done and over with. She doesn't want me to be walked all over like that, especially by such a conceited dipshit of a bitch. And multiple times too. There was the thing with the attendance and the "inappropriate" t-shirt, other situations where I've been treated unfairly by the same woman, but that would take about another two days to explain. My mom said that she'd ask to the bitch, What's wrong with her? What makes you have such a disliking for her? Is it because she's asian? It it because of her attitude? Is it her voice? Is it the way she dresses? TELL ME.
If she doesn't get a good enough answer or outcome from the adiministration, she'll right out loud suggest, "Fine, give me the papers and Christina from now on will attend another school." We don't need your bullshit.
Christina N. @ 8:49 PM
Monday, March 27
When I was walking home from school today, a schoolbus from Roxbury was passing by and I saw this guy sticking his head and arms outside the window and was taking a picture of me with his cell phone. I fucking swear that damn thing was aimed at me. He was probably some jock on his way to my hellhole for a game. But the sad part is, I couldn't really see what the dude looked like. The only thing I remember was that he wasn't unpleasant to look at, or maybe it's just because the bus was moving too fast.
Christina N. @ 7:59 PM
Friday, March 24
The show was cancelled. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have any primary sources as to howcome, so no details. Oh yeah, damn right somebody's pissed.
There was a dumbfuck who came into Pier 1 Imports fifteen minutes before the store closed and bought an entertainment center. Dude, that box was the size of a small european car. And there was an even bigger goddamn box on top of it. Debra, the manager tonight, hurt her back or some excuse of an injury, so it was Doug and I who had to get the box out. Doug's nineteen and is shorter than me. That ain't helping much. But he did all the major lifting so it's all good.
So we get the fucking Stone Henge of a bigger box off of the entertainment center box, and outside the stockroom door. Then the fucktard of a customer says, "I've had bad experiences with furniture before, so could you guys take it out of the box so I could see if it's okay and if it is, bring it out to my car?" It took about five minutes to get the box open and the entertainment center out. The box was only about two inches shorter than me so I couldn't see the goddamn top of it to cut it open that way. So with the only box cutter that we had, thrashed and clawed away like babboons on steak both sides of the box to push out the console and pull the playhouse-sized box off of it. Jesus fucking Christ.
And then we had to lift it onto a rolling dolly wheel piece of shit. It wouldn't stay on correctly because there's some hole on the bottom that we didn't want to tell the customer about. With lots of hard work and struggling to roll the console outside in drizzling rain, and trying to lift it into the guy's ugly fucking navy-colored Subaru Outback - it wouldn't fit. After all that, and rolling the console back into the store, the guy says that we would have to have it delivered to him. He leaves without leaving either of us a tip. Dipshit.
On a brighter note, when I got home and looked over my check, I saw that I had gotten a raise. Eleven cents. Hey, that makes a fucking difference. And I'd only been working for five or six months.
Christina N. @ 11:12 PM
Wednesday, March 22
I overheard this loud girl talking about scientology today to two equally dumb fucks. She needed a nice smack in the face with an old school iron hammer with the words "PLEASE TELL ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN NEEDED" embossed in it.
I've been fucking sick of Morris Hills for so long that I can't fucking remember. I have just one more fucking year left and it's probably going to be the year when some asses are going to be clogged with foot. And then I'm off to college. Everyone there doesn't really give a shit about each other so it's okay. The End.
Christina N. @ 5:36 PM
Tuesday, March 21
The other day my mother gave me a bowl of strawberries to eat. On the top of the pile of strawberries was a mutant triplet strawberry. Scared the hell out of me. Click on the pictures for the bigger size so that you could justify if I'm lying or not. This shit is for real.
Yesterday I was reading Weird NJ and man, is that shit fucked up. There's supposedly a "Satan's Chapel" somewhere in this town called Rockaway I live in. There was a picture of it and it looked abandoned and had a pentagram painted on the door. I'd like to find that damn devil shack and see what it's really about. I asked a few of my friends if they heard or knew about it and no one knew. Damn. There's also this really fucked up road called Clinton Rd. and I asked my mom if she'd ever driven down it. She said, "Which one? There's one in practically every town." and I said, "I think it's near Clifton or something, it's some sort of a back road." She said no, she'd never driven down that one. By the way she looked, it looked like we were going to venture down that road someday and probably run into some Klan members or something and be burned at the stake. Or maybe we'd just drive down it really really goddamn fast; Taking the SUV, of course.
It's actually West Milford in Passaic County. About forty-five minutes away I'm guessing. Or thirty at the least. I drive to shopping malls even farther than that shit.
But better yet, I'd gather up about eight of my non-pussy friends and check out every fucked up place in New Jersey in this vehicle:
I'm a fucking coward, but yet I'm so curious at the same time. That explains the big fucking car.
Speaking of going out, on Saturday after work I'm going to see my friend's band play in Denville. That show is going to kick major ass.
Yeah, booooyeeeeeeeee!
Christina N. @ 7:19 PM
Monday, March 20
A lot of people say that when you die and go to hell, you would hear Slayer. I disagree. When I die of a massive heart attack or a diabetic complication and am descending down that escalator into hell, I would hear Rush.
Moose - I have never been more afraid of any animal in my life. Sure, they look cute and goofy in cartoon form, but when you see a real actual one, holy fucking shit it's like seeing GG Allin covered with hair on all fours. Both are utterly scary and disgusting. But to be completely honest, I have never seen a moose in person. I've only seen them on TV and in pictures, yet they are still fucking hideous and nightmare-inducing in my eyes.
Christina N. @ 10:05 PM
Friday, March 17
So that new supposedly hot guy at work isn't that hot. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. He's alright though. But not supa dupa fucking bang you. When I came into work today he seemed really odd. Like so odd to the point that I figured I didn't really like him anymore. But then he told me he was high. Did some stuff a few hours before work. Oh, now I get it. And then everything changed.
He's not a moron who's difficult and a slow thinker/speaker; He's just high. I find that pretty fucking hilarious. Because ever since I met this dude he rarely smiled or talked and his voice is pretty monotonous like Ben Stein. He starts telling me all these crazy drug escapades about he and his friends and it was really interesting and pretty fucking funny. I can't exactly remember any right now but that kid is cool. He kept following me around and wanted to talk. Who knows why.
Yeah so recovering and cleaning the store was done really early and while the manager was in the office counting up money and shit, we lounged on the living room display that was in front of the store and he showed me his stash of LSD that he hid in his wallet that had Scooby Doo on it. That was awesome and I laughed my fucking ass off. These Randolph kids are really fascinating. I must hang around them more often.
He had so many fucking stories to tell, and I had nothing at all to share, since my life is as adventurous and provocative as an episode of Murder...She Wrote. He asked me if I'd ever done this or that or whatever and I honestly said no, but he was cool and understood my boredom and didn't go all fucking apeshit on me and wasn't an obnoxious fucktard.
But earlier today after school the Ecuadorian and I went to Blockbuster so she could apply for a job. While waiting for the road to clear so that we could cross it, this fucking much older hispanic dude in his late 20's or 30's honks his horn and makes this fucking nasty "I'm horny for you, bitch" look on his face through the window at me while speeding by. Fucking moron, you're ugly and you're old and your body most likely resembles a lima bean - get over yourself. And then another car passes by and the same fucking thing happens. Jesus fucking Christ.
Christina N. @ 11:24 PM
Thursday, March 16
My mom asked me how was school today and if I had anything to curse about. Surprisingly, nothing came to mind. I didn't feel like bitching either. Progress? Nah, just too much sunshine.
I keep getting this college shit in the mail from universities and crap all over the place. Today when a booklet from an all women's college came. I saw on the cover that it was quite the pretty looking campus and considered going there because it looks fancy and I'm shallow. Then I noticed that there was nothing but chicks and most likely dykes in all of the pictures. No thank you. Half of college is for learning. The other half is for boning and boning is not possible if the pieces don't fit together.
I sit next to a dyke in history class and that bitch's voice is higher than Keith Richards. One of the biggest fucking losers ever. I once told her to shut the fuck up and she did.
Christina N. @ 5:43 PM
Wednesday, March 15
Oh man, I crack myself up. I think I got a 100% on this.
Einsatzgruppen!
From left to right:
The KKK Milk Carton
Arms are made of gas pumps.
David Lee Roth's Pants
Eyes are made of bottles of Aqua Net.
The Prostitution Toaster
Design inspired by C.C. DeVille.
The Nazi Teapot
Legs compose of swiss army knives and military boots. Helmet is authentic Nazi memorabilia.
Yeah, I know it's horrible. But admit it, you find it funny too.
Christina N. @ 8:34 PM
Jethro Tull = Death Row Tull. Flutes suck. They suck.
See what I mean?
I finally got my voice messages to work. Turns out that when I was trying to make up a password, I thought that the pound button was the star button. Dumbass. So just now I listened to the many messages from various people that I couldn't hear for the past three months and I have to say, it is funny shit.
There's also this weird number that has called me twice in a matter of time, and I looked up their area code and it turned out that those calls have been from Oregon. I can't help but say, "WTF?"
James Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-haw!
Christina N. @ 8:13 PM
Tuesday, March 14
I'm sorry, kids, to disappoint you today.
I. About you
Time started this:: i don't care
Name:: in the eyes of god, that doesn't matter
Age:: boooring
Gender:: chicka chicka
Birthdate:: i share a birthday with harrison ford and patrick stewart, the bald star trek guy. so look it up
Birthplace:: right outside an asian woman's vagina
Current Location:: northern new jersey, where the most dense population of scene kids and simon malls rule the land
Status:: half of two
Height:: 5'7", muthachucka
Weight:: i'm asian it's impossible to weigh much
Body type:: it's fuckable
Eye Color:: poop is brown, so what do you think?
Hair color:: i come from the south pacific, our hair is burnt black
Hair length:: long enough to walk a Glenn Danzig with
Skin(type/color):: yellow
Sexual Preference:: i like cock, thank you very much
Members in your family:: what the fuck are you talking about? i don't know, most of them got lost
Are your parents married/divorced/separated?:: old school asians do not divorce or separate
Are you a citizen of your country?:: if i weren't, i'd have all forms of hepatitis and would be malnourished
Pant size:: 3 - 5
Shoe size:: 7.5
Shirt size:: depends on the fucking shirt
Zodiac sign:: crab cancer
Chinese Zodiac sign:: rattler
Blood Type:: fuck if i know
Do you exercise frequently?:: of course. when i chew the vast amounts of food that i often eat every day
If you're a girl, what is your bra size?:: 32A, i'm sorry boys
Your Measurements:: a clothes hanger
Where do you work?:: pier 1 imports
Do you drive?:: yeah, i drive the boys crazy with my undeniably gorgeous looks
>>>II. This and That about you
Righty/left/either?:: righty is tighty
Sense of Style:: christina-style
Innie/Outtie?: innie
Weird or Unique talents?:: my voice is like isaac hayes but not sexy
Flexible?:: i can reach over the top of the refriderator to get a bag of nachos
Hobbies?:: eating and enjoying the acts of ted nugent
Flirty? Smart? Unique? Trusting?:: kick your ass
Can you roll your tongue?:: no i ain't enrique
>>>III. School
What level of education are you in?:: high school junior
What was your high school name?:: san quentin
Colors/mascot:: red and white just like the place we would eventually end up in - the hospital
If in college, what are you majoring in?:: being racially discriminated
Are you going to prom/or have been?:: the prom bid is worth a few full-course meals at the olive garden, shithead. fuck that shit
Favorite school subject:: history
least favorite:: 2 + 2 = 5
Fave school pastime:: when i had long bangs i was able to sleep while sitting up
Clubs/Activities/Sports:: if there were ever such thing as a history club where we got to reenact civil war battles, i'm joining in a second
Graduating Class:: booooring
Public school/Private?:: pubic with an l somewhere in there
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now, academically?:: the one person in the world who knows the most about the history of hitler's mustache
>>>IV. Right now/At this very moment
How are you feeling?:: irritated at how much you suck at making up surveys
What color are your nails?:: sure as hell aren't emo black
Are you sick?:: in a psychological sense, yes sir
Hair up/down?:: d-d-d-down
Color of your socks:: the color of the inside of a klondike bar
Pants:: house pants that no one other than my family is supposed to see me in
Underwear/bra:: i don't wear bras at home, dude. i gotta give them room to grow
Makeup on?:: yah mon
Full stomach or Empty?:: full of rice krispy treats
What should you be doing right now, anyways?:: in my homeland i should be cooking dinner for my family of sixteen brothers and sisters
What kind of cell phone service are you using?:: catherine zeta-jones
Do you have any pets? i don't clean anybody's poop except mine by flushing it down the toilet
Are you in love, right now?:: i love you with all my heart, Mr. Rice Krispy Treat Box
>>>V. Favorites
Color:: green
Food:: brownies
Drink:: hot fudge from the pot
Candy:: eye candy
Flavor:: chocolate and guys
Movie:: platoon, man
Show:: jackass
Game:: six degrees of separation from kevin bacon
Music type:: the type that doesn't stink like panty residue
Actor/Actress:: al pacino/juliette lewis
Month:: may
Shampoo/Conditioner:: dove extra volume
Number:: fuck math
Phrase:: sTfU b1tCh!!1!1
Word:: denisleary
Magazine:: elevator world
Restaurant:: hershey park
Animal:: tommy lee's little fireman
Language:: scheisskopf
Girls name:: our names suck balls
Boys Name:: duff
Flower:: the kind made of icing that goes on cake
Thing to get at starbucks:: mocha frappuchino or marble macchiato or some shit
Holiday:: lunch ladies' week
Brand Name:: Jack Links' beef jerky
Clothing store:: anthropologie
Article of clothing:: i love all my children equally
Shoes:: shirts matter more
>>>VI. Friends
Are you a good friend?:: yes, if you don't care about them all that much then why consider them a friend?
Do you have good friends? How many?:: i'm a fucking asshole, of course i don't have many
Your best friend:: shaina
Do you have a lot of friends?:: the rolling stones are my friends, they just don't know it yet
Has anyone told you, you were a good friend?:: way back when i can't remember
Do you talk a lot?:: when i'm in the right mood, i talk as much as howard stern could
Are you nervous when people talk to you?:: usually, depends on who
Funniest Friend:: myself
Craziest Friend:: myself
Most Secretive:: i don't give a shit
Hottest friend:: myself
Nicest:: myself
Meanest:: myself all the way
Smartest:: myself
Dumbest:: they wouldn't be my friend
Most unique:: i don't fucking care
Do you have alot of friends or close small group of friends?: wasting my time
Do you believe in love at first sight?: yeah, bash me if you want but it won't do shit
Would you love someone of a different religion?: why would that fucking matter? unless they're in the Church of Michael Bolton, i'll beat their ass senseless
Race?: speed racer fucking owns
Do you have a crush? Who?: myself
>>>VIII. For or against
Democratic views?: dude, i don't care about that shit
Republican views?: do i care?
Racism: as much as i support bret michaels and rikki rockett
Death Penalty: yes. the taxes that i'm paying for inmates could now be used to buy more pants
Abortion: we all die eventually, some earlier than others. oh boy that was rude.
Rules/Regulations: depends on what rules and regulations, numbnut
Gay marriage: sure. i love happy people
Underage Smoking or smoking in general: doesn't matter, you don't get high and beat your wife. it's okay.
Marijuana: sure, since this law is just like the prohibition in the '20s, everybody does it anyway
Drunk Driving: fuck no man, you might be running into the ice cream man, or the wonderbread truck. you know how much that breaks my heart
Illegal immigrants: what do you think i'm a fucking result of?
Premarital sex?: sure, otherwise everyone would be really bitter right now
Religion in Gov: no, man.
Downloading Music: fuck you metallica. grow your hair back.
Welfare: sure
Long distant relationships: depends, son
Blind dates: ok, if you're desperate or have that much free time on your hands
Arranged marriages: fuck no
>>>IX. This or That
Big/small:: mr. big
Cat/dog:: catdog
Chocolate/Vanilla:: choco-choco-chocolate
Sunset/Sunrise:: i don't want to be no stevie wonder, so i don't pay attention
Rainy/Sunny:: sunny
Starbucks/Jamba Juice:: i've never seen a jamba juice in my life. thanks, east coast
Pepsi/Coke:: pepsi i like it super-saturated with a gallon of sugar in every can
Smoke/Alcohol:: drinky dinky not really
Pulp/None:: NO PULP. who knows what it really could be
Black/White:: i ain't no racist motherfucker
Sun/Moon:: sun, because the moon is too small and it isn't really cheese. what a fucking ripoff
Night/Day:: either, i'm an all day type of person
Fall/Winter:: i don't like freezing my ass
Spring/Summer:: spring
Scary/Comedy:: comedy
Work/School:: eat
Hugs/Kisses:: both please
Fruits/Vegatables:: meat
Salty/Sweet:: warheads
Love/hate:: indifference
Extremely Early/Extremely Late:: extremely late
Fireworks/Glowsticks:: fireworks because unlike glowsticks they actually could blow your next door neighbor's dog off
Urban/Suburban:: haven't lived in the citay yet
City Life/Rural Life:: i haven't experienced the hick life yet
books/magazine:: feminine health pamphlets
Silence/noise:: blue oyster cult
Large Parties/Small get togethers:: either, as long as there are no party poopers
Liberal/Conservative:: liberative conserveral
>>>XI. In the opposite sex (or same sex)..Preferred:
Height:: at least an inch taller than i
Weight:: not a fat fuck or a skinny prick
Ethnicity:: i have an irishmen fetish but all sort of hot ass are a-ok with me
Eye color/Hair color:: green eyes, any shade of hair that isn't wrongly dyed is just fine
Looks before personality?:: it depends
Different from you?:: depends on if we click or not
Smoker/Drinker/drug abuser?:: depends, but this survey is way too goddamn long to explain
Numerical Answers (how many) fuck numbers i don't do numbers
times You've been in love?:: i have been in love with many a food
Bf/Gfs you've had?:: j. lo ain't got shit on me
Scars on your body?:: let's just say that i once fucked edward scissorhands
Suspended?:: nope, i've been good
in detention?:: quite a few times
Piercings/tattoos?:: ears
Been kissed today:: no
Been hugged today:: no
Been drunk:: once, in disney world
High?:: i'm fucking locked in the house, what do you think?
Clubbing:: see above
Been emotionally or physically hurt/abused:: how the fuck do you think i turned out like this
times you've gotten into a car accident:: none, thank goodness
kids do you have:: i'm on birth control, otherwise i'd have about 26
Purses you own:: 8 or 9
pairs of shoes:: i don't keep track of that shit
pants:: about 10
underwear:: i don't count that shit i just pile it up in my drawer until it gets holes in it
times you've danced in the rain:: i hate rain
secret admirers do you have?:: how the hell am i supposed to know if they're called secret admirers?
Thought about suicide?:: who the fuck doesn't. i mean, we live in a world with hawthorne heights
>>>Last thing/time/person
Person you called:: fuck if i know
Who called you:: i can't remember
Hugged:: a dude
Kissed:: that male hooker who charged me a lame $500, stupid fucker
said I love you to:: tickle me elmo
Thing you said:: "shove it up your ass"
thing you ate:: rice krispy treats
thing you drank:: water
did?:: ate dinna
time you exercised:: when that stupid shithead of a school forced me to play volleyball with a crew of retards
thing someone got you: dude, i seriously cannot remember
got angry at:: my dad for asking redundant questions that i just answered to a second ago. he repeats it for five times
Last song you heard:: "jocko homo" by devo
movie you've seen/watched:: where the truth lies with KEVIN BACONNN
been to church:: i went there for free food and vietnamese lessons when i was younger, everybody was a fucking loser
got drunk:: like i'm even allowed to leave the house?
stoned:: what did i just say
person you smoked with:: come on, shithead
chatted online with:: erica
bought a gift for: christmas was a long time ago, pal
place you went:: the bathroom
person you liked:: some dude, durrr
loved:: myself
hated:: people who like musicals
last embarrassing moment:: when i told my mom one of my famous "fuck you you fucking shitface" stories over dinner tonight
Happiest moment:: there are no such things
went to the beach:: i don't like getting sand stuck in my asscrack, so i don't go to the beach
last thing youve done something crazy:: you need to re-word that sentence correctly before i could answer it
>>>Have you ever:
Skinny dipped:: no, because i'm OCD
Played stripped poker:: it is "strip poker" if so i recall
Been drunk:: been asked already, dumbfuck
to a Wedding? How many times?:: quite a few times, everybody is a fucking prick who looks bad in a dress
Been married?:: yeah, like married people take the time to fill out one of these pieces of shit
Divorced? Widowed?:: you could answer this question in the one above. this was pointless
Been abused?:: by the wind, because nobody pushes me around harder than that shit does
Raped?:: if i'd been raped i'd probably be in juvy right now from being emotionally distraught and having just ripped a boy's balls off with greasy barbecue tongs just for winking at me
Christina N. @ 8:32 PM
Monday, March 13
If girls have less body hair and are allowed to compulsively go clothes shopping without being considered gay, then I guess on the other end of the scale we have to endure extreme moodiness. I don't know if it's birth control, or just my natural hormones fucking me in the ass, but I today I fucking smashed open a door in a girl's face. When gym class was over and every dumb fucker was leaving the gym through the same double-door at the same time, nobody had the common sense to open both doors instead of exiting through just one and leaving the other closed. So I speed-walked to the closed door and angrily pushed it open so I could get out faster - while a girl was squeezing herself through the other one, along with about five other shitheads. I hit her on the side of the head and she looked at me and kept on walking. You fucking dolt, that's why there's such things as "double doors" in large rooms such as a fucking gym. Jesus Christ, where's Captain Obvious when you need him.
I bet if I were a dude, I'd have balls as big as John Wayne's because his have had to be fucking enormous. I heard Axl had huge nuts too, but at the same time he's a big goddamn pussy so he don't matter. It's no wonder I have about five friends; Only about 1% of the world has common sense. I bet the other 99% don't know what the difference is between shitkicker and shithead because they don't know that both are bad things to be called by.
On a more jovial note, only about 5% of the world's population would understand why this picture is funny.
Pseudo-American Bob Ross Society for the Illiterate Reader
Christina N. @ 5:13 PM
Sunday, March 12
There was a fat fucking spider on my wall. Dude, this was the real deal here. It wasn't just a little pussy brown one with a tiny little body and skinny little legs. No, this was a big black motherfucker with the body of a walnut and legs of steel. I practically sucked up all of the dust in my room just from that one single gasp when I saw it above the outlet that I was about to charge my iPod in. Man, I so fucking wussed out that I ran to my dad instead of spending the time to get the vacuum cleaner in fear of it stomping all the way into my clothes drawer or something to go mate with a mothball while I'd be gone. Because we all know I vacuum up spiders. I'm not as brave as I was when I was a child and squashed bugs with tissues. I fucking suck them up in my big old mighty Dirt Devil.
So my dad smashed the living shit out of it, along with a few added wipes on the wall with the same exact tissue to get the extra spider guts off. I regret not taking a breather and not getting my camera out because that was the most fucking fiercest thing I had ever seen next to a pissed off Glenn Danzig. But the spider looked more menacing than he did. Oh man, if only you had seen it. It was the fucking bitchass motherfucker of all spiders. It looked as though it could rip my arm off and toast it with spider acid dripping from its mouth and eat it while my fingers could still wiggle. Goddamn was that thing fucking nasty. I swear, it psychotically was doing this at me:
Do I look like a bitch?
Christina N. @ 7:28 PM
Friday, March 10
I went into work today and saw on the schedule that they had hired that first piece of ass who asked me for an application sometime ago. Then I did that Quagmire thing with the elbows. Alriiiiiight.
I also noticed that his schedule is nearly identical to mine. Dude, what a fucking coincidence. I was thinking it was luck, but then again I remembered I told my manager to hire him so I bet she did because of me. All I need is the other more recent dude applicant and I am A-okay for the rest of my Pier 1 career.
Giggity
giggity
giggity!
Christina N. @ 11:17 PM
Wednesday, March 8
That, my friend, is some funny shit. It's real too, I ain't shittin' ya.
This week I've been forced to take the HSPA, one of those huge wastes of time that they call "standardized tests." It's been pissing me off so much lately, along with the fact that unlike seniors and freshman I can't wake up late and eat breakfast, that I think my eyebrows are going to permanently stay arched for quite a while. There was this stupid fucking persuasive writing thing today, and us having to write a letter to the imaginary editor of the imaginary school newspaper on whether we support or don't support the imaginary school board's imaginary decision to ban students wearing slippers and sleepwear to school. Like I give a fuck? If I actually paid attention to the student body then I'd give a fuck. I wrote one paragraph out of the four pages that was provided and then proceeded to write a two-page letter to whoever the fuck that would be grading my test on why the HSPA is full of shit.
For some reason, my work schedule has drastically changed and says that on Saturday, instead of working in the morning to mid-afternoon, I'm working from 3:30 to 10:00 at night. Which means I'm closing. Goddamn that shit I'd probably have bathroom duty too. The last time, which was also my first and only time that I did the bathrooms, I rolled my pants up because they are just fucking gross. The men's bathroom had piss on the floor. In front of the urinal. Talk about stupid. If they could write their name in the snow with piss, why not be able to aim into a fucking porcelain waterfall machine? But then again, if us girls could sit on the crapper for a week reading Victoria's Secret catalogs, why do we need tampons?
It's questions like that that Socrates is dead.
Christina N. @ 7:35 PM
Sunday, March 5
Oh man, my throat hurts. I was just at Lauren's house and we were watching the entire series of Jackass on DVD and I just fucking laughed my ass off for two and a half hours straight. She was totally freaking out but I looked like I was in cardiac arrest; I tend to laugh too hard and too much at the littlest things. It burns the calories off. Have you ever seen a fat person laugh a lot? No. That's why they're fat.
The greatest part was when Raab Himself was taking a shit on the side of the road, naked while reading a newspaper. Pansies with no balls and weak stomachs may find it appalling but I find it pretty fucking hilarious. If it was Chris Pontius and his hairy ass, then maybe I'd reconsider the laugh factor. We see his ass so many times in that series that it might drive one to go on an ass fasting.
This was not initially a social outgoing. We were supposed to do a project where we're supposed watch two movies. The good one that we really wanted to watch was all taken out from Blockbuster, and the shitty one was the only one she could find but we didn't bother watching it because it's shitty.
So the most gorgeous man applied for a job at Pier 1 today. I'm fucking in love, man. I was chit-chatting with two of my co-workers while one was helping a line of people at the register. I saw him waiting and looking a little irritated but then I asked him for help and he smiled the greatest fucking smile in the world and asked if we were hiring. I said yes and got him an application and a job description binder and he did that smile again. And then I went to my managers and begged for them to hire that hunk of ass.
I'm hitting that shit someday, I fucking swear. I swear to you he is going to get hired and I am going to tap that ass. That is, if he isn't gay. Man, that would just totally ruin it all.
Christina N. @ 8:54 PM
Saturday, March 4
When I was on my work break I went to Starbucks, bought a marble mocha macchiato or some shit along with a toffee almond bar and a rice krispy treat. I sat down at a table alone and swallowed my treats, like french people do. Well the fucking moron that was sitting at a table behind me, a 28-year-old-looking idiot with an ugly slight beard, cheap sunglasses, a cap, and on a laptop, kept kicking his table so that it would hit the chair that would hit my chair, trying to get my attention. Fucker, even Shane MacGowan has better ways of getting pussy than you do. And when I was done and walked out, walked past the window, he looked up at me from the other side. Fucking dolt.
After work, my mom took me to Short Hills again to originally return some stuff, but we ended up spending big bucks. Actually it was just me. She doesn't have compulsive spending problems like I do. In January I had 400 bucks to spare from my separately saved money in the bank, for free spending that I told myself would last until the middle of summer. I'm down to about $50 and spring hasn't even started. Imagine detox at a shoppers' rehabiliation center.
All in all, what was purchased was an Anthrax DVD, a shirt, a skirt, and a dress. Only four items but that mall is the fucking snotty rich folks' mall so if you're a cheap idiot who buys your dinnerware at the dollar store, the only thing that you would buy at Short Hills is probably a single truffle from Godiva. I think from now on until I get more paychecks I'm not going to bring any money with me around anymore, except for a few bills. I'm like a fat fuck who's always on the prowl for food when it comes to new clothes. It's a female thing that doesn't come with testicles, that's why men don't understand our desire for overpriced rags.
The dress from Bloomingdale's was quite stunning and I couldn't help but self indulge like a motherfucker. They fucking had crappy t-shirts for $90 bucks but this thing was great quality and only at $88 bucks. I couldn't miss this opportunity. All pictures are blurry because I'm as steady as a crackhead, and flash could fucking suck it because it creates a glare when reflected on shiny surfaces.
one
two
three
Shadows hide all flaws, man. Most people on Myspace should try it.
Christina N. @ 11:27 PM
Friday, March 3
As usual, after dinner on a Friday I'm fucking bored so what do I always do when I'm bored with nothing on my mind? I eat. I ate all the cookies and chocolate bars, and ice cream is too cold to hold even in a cup or cone so it was liver pate straight from the can and I watched Natural Born Killers again. Call me gross, but you go make out with David Guest and see which is more disgusting. It's no wonder that I have about five friends, because I purely suck. Sixteen fucking years old who hasn't gone on a social outgoing since January. Normally one would say, "It's all my goddamn parents' fault." Not entirely, in my case. My folks say I'm a fucking liar and a dumb jerk and a whole bunch of other crap but to sum it all up in a nutshell, I'm a bad person according to them. Therefore I have no permission to have friends. It's sad, but true.
If the friend were asian and didn't look like me, then they would be approved of. I refuse to be friends with a fucking tool. And by tool I mean this:
Unfortunately this accounts for 99% of the Asian-American population. Or more just like the Asian-International population.
But today, today there was a glimmer of sunshine. A sliver of hope. An idea and maybe chance or proof that not every single goddamn fucking asian man on Earth is a scummy piece of shit who's a bigger pussy than what you'll find in Paris Hilton's panties and likes anime girls over real people. Behold: James Iha.
James Iha, where have you been all my life? Right under my fucking nose, that's what. When I was younger, yeah, fucking younger, I used to fucking love A Perfect Circle to almost no fucking end. And I thought the Smashing Pumpkins were pretty awesome shit too. How could this piece of ass have slipped so easily? No fucking idea. No wait, in one of the Smashing Pumpkins' videos, one that is played too much over preference by the not-so-satisfying MTV, he was wearing lots of shiny silver and I probably overlooked him because of the fact that he looked like Jay Gordon from Orgy from all that shimmer. Or maybe it wasn't him. It could've just been Billy Corgan's head and the solar glare that reflects off of it.
From left to right: Maynard James Keenan, Jeordie White, and James Iha dancing to Journey.
Christina N. @ 10:41 PM
Wednesday, March 1
I got a double live Styx album yesterday. Fuck yeah, man.
Most of the folks here are saying that there's going to be a shitload of snow tomorrow and it's going to fuck up school. One person says 3 to 5 inches, the other says 3 to 7, yet another shithead says 6 to 8. It's the same inaccurate-from-too-many-ranges situation. Shut the fuck up and don't get your hopes up, deal with whatever comes as it comes or doesn't come. Nobody wants to see you dancing naked under the moon. And pajamas don't do shit, even when they're worn inside out. Pajamas are soft clothing for comfort while you sleep, not meteorological magic. Even I have more common sense. And all I do is sit around at home staring at my refrigerator. Not the walls. I'm beyond that.
Easy for me to say, about the weather, because my life would stay the same regardless of what goes on outside my house. If there is a delay tomorrow, I'd probably just wake up an hour later, watch the morning news, and make bruschetta and drink a glass of milk before hauling my ass out of the house. Because you know, I am actually italian. Just with a mutation in my genetic makeup that makes me have slit eyes for some reason.
Who the fuck eats bruschetta while drinking warm milk? I do. Potato chips and wine ain't bad either. If I were older and had the knowledge of driving, and with an insured license, I'd go out for breakfast at a diner or some shit. Christina's Diner isn't exactly top quality.
My mom rented a Kevin Bacon movie yesterday, Where the Truth Lies. I felt like laughing, because, it's Kevin Bacon. I knew she rented it because of me. Step up sucker don't you understand that he's the man?
What a waste of an entry.
Christina N. @ 5:22 PM
