There was a fat fucking spider on my wall. Dude, this was the real deal here. It wasn't just a little pussy brown one with a tiny little body and skinny little legs. No, this was a big black motherfucker with the body of a walnut and legs of steel. I practically sucked up all of the dust in my room just from that one single gasp when I saw it above the outlet that I was about to charge my iPod in. Man, I so fucking wussed out that I ran to my dad instead of spending the time to get the vacuum cleaner in fear of it stomping all the way into my clothes drawer or something to go mate with a mothball while I'd be gone. Because we all know I vacuum up spiders. I'm not as brave as I was when I was a child and squashed bugs with tissues. I fucking suck them up in my big old mighty Dirt Devil.
So my dad smashed the living shit out of it, along with a few added wipes on the wall with the same exact tissue to get the extra spider guts off. I regret not taking a breather and not getting my camera out because that was the most fucking fiercest thing I had ever seen next to a pissed off Glenn Danzig. But the spider looked more menacing than he did. Oh man, if only you had seen it. It was the fucking bitchass motherfucker of all spiders. It looked as though it could rip my arm off and toast it with spider acid dripping from its mouth and eat it while my fingers could still wiggle. Goddamn was that thing fucking nasty. I swear, it psychotically was doing this at me:
Do I look like a bitch?
Christina N. @ 7:28 PM
