Now as you may very well know (or experienced), I guess I could say that I have quite an anger issue to deal with. It is also very apparent that I all too often state every little detail in life that seems to grind my gears. So, in an attempt to prove to the world that I am not your average asian fusebox, I have compiled a list of nine things that I currently adore from least to greatest.
Nine isn't a lot, but use of the word "adore" should be sufficient enough if you ever want to sound like a pussy.
9. Soybeans
What food product doesn't have some sort of a soybean product in it? Whether it be the beans themselves or poisonous hydrogenated soybean oil that is found in many of our snack chips and Rice Krispies Treats, the soybean is a quintessential part of the Asian diet. We eat so much fucking tofu and tofu-fish and tofu-ham and tofurkey and all of that bullshit, that tofu is running through our fucking veins. Jesus fucking Christ - we are practically made of tofu, to be quite honest. Well, actually, more like rice. But I disowned rice because my mom always makes me eat it with shitty pickled vegetables.
8. Alice in Chains
To tell you the truth, I don't think I've ever met a person in my entire life who knows of Alice in Chains and dislikes them. Kind of hard to believe, right? It's either that I have a shitty memory, or that my first hunch was correct. But to my point - they're amazing; simply said. They used to depress me all the time, but right now I have gotten over that tween bullshit and truly appreciate them. And let's not forget their stint at our lovely New Jersey's Action Park on Headbanger's Ball, when Jerry Cantrell wore an electric blue speedo and recalled of mothers slowly pulling their children away from him, simply because their faces were at eye-level with his cock and balls.
7. Ravioli
I love ravioli, it tastes amazing. Especially with pesto sauce, or with alfredo sauce. Fucking delicious. 'Nough said.
6. B-Movies
The reason I chose this picture is because it is from a movie called Plan 9 From Outer Space, which is commonly considered as "possibly the worst film ever made," and it is very obvious due to the unsightly shadow of the microphone looming over the actors' heads and the cardboard airplane controls on their laps.
But how could you not enjoy a good shitty movie now and then? This shit cracks me up; and not to mention that these films always have the most peculiar plots (so blatantly declared by their titles) known to cinema history, such as: Slumber Party Massacre, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Motorpsycho, and The 3 Mesquiteers: Pals of the Saddle.
5. Jack Nicholson
Jack Nicholson has brought me many-a-good-time back in the day - and perhaps many more to come. My fondest memories of Jack are glorifying at his huge head as I watched Batman while under the influence, laughing at him getting his nose sliced by a dwarf named Roman Polanski in Chinatown, and watching Batman again sober yet still laughing my ass off. Oh yeah, and The Shining was pretty goddamned fucking awesome as well.
4. True Romance
Now - this movie, in every way, is fucking brilliant. True Romance is one of those types of films that consists of endless classic quotes and scenes that flash in your head when something somewhat related to those scenes happens in your own life - am I right? Aside from Brad Pitt smoking marijuana from a honey bear bottle, the "Sicilian talk" scene with Christopher Walken and Dennis fucking Hopper sends me through the fucking roof. I can't say much more, for it will give away some important aspects of the film. But if you please, the "Sicilian talk" scene is included in a YouTube video in the entry before this.
3. There Will Be Blood
I have to confess, and say that I traveled well over thirty minutes through the asshole-clogged highways of northern New Jersey to watch this film - twice. Only released in select theaters, There Will Be Blood was fucking amazing - and definitely well worth the trip. Normally I couldn't give two-and-a-half shits about the Oscars and other bullshit like that, but I am going to root for Daniel Day-Lewis all the way. The milkshake in Mr. Day-Lewis' hand in the second photo could 75% be explained in this quality video:
You would probably think that I am fucking nuts to put that here, being that probably none of you saw the other two hours and thirty minutes of the movie. But I swear - it is fucking worth it. Oh and not to mention, Jonny Greenwood from Radiohead conducted the score for the film and I just fucking loved that shit to no end.
2. Camel Cigarettes
Have I not emphasized my love for these pieces of murderous bullshit already? And to think, that John Wayne lost a lung and got a tracheotomy - yet still threatened his doctors to take away his last remaining lung just because he wouldn't quit smoking.
1. Ryan Gosling
Yeah yeah yeah - Denis Leary has been on too many of my compulsive lists and it is time to sing praise for someone who is just a tad bit more reasonably attainable just because he's not old enough to be my father or grandfather. As you could see, I am taking a break from the Irish today.
But onto my point - HOLY SHIT THAT'S HOT!
Christina N. @ 10:30 PM
