Tuesday, August 21
When will this weather go away? It's so travolting, man. Like Battlefield Earth. I remember seeing the commercials for that movie on TV when I was 10 years old, and every time I would ask myself, "Why?" The media just kept shoving and shoving that spoonful of manatee shit down my throat. They even relentlessly did special after special segment on Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight about how supposedly spectacular it was going to be. But then again, those shows are experts for picking out what movies that I don't want to see, just so that I'm sure and that my own enlightened mind will never in any way go to see that shit.

Not working and doing nothing at home on such a dreary day as this just leads me to eat even moreso than I already do. So I was standing by the kitchen counter scooping out some Edy's almond mocha fudge ice cream into a cup, until I see the 60-something-year-old fat neighbor approaching the door in the midst of on-and-off rain outside the window. Naturally, I ducked down and sat on the floor behind the cabinets, hoping she wouldn't peep through the windows and knowing that I was home after ringing the doorbell three times.

Seriously, this woman is the biggest waste of time that I have had to live nextdoor to for fifteen years. I've talked about her many-a-time before, and here I am, being bothered by her again. (She talks for an hour at a time, even to the mailman. This is why my mail always comes late in the afternoon.) I sat on the floor in my kitchen against the wall in fear like in some 1990s Harrison Ford movie where his family is hiding in their house as some maniac serial killer is looking through their windows holding a machine gun in his hands.

And what's worse is, my sister was on her computer in the dining room, so I asked her to keep a lookout for when the neighbor walks through our driveway and back to her house. I asked her every two minutes if the neighbor had gone away yet, and for about the next ten or fifteen minutes, she claims that she doesn't see the woman walk past the window. Now come on. No person in their right mind, even this woman, would wait that long in the rain for somebody to answer the fucking door. So I gave up and looked out the window. The woman wasn't there. She left. What the fuck? Did my sister even understand what I was saying? It's not that hard to look out a fucking window. Even if she was looking at her computer screen, you could still detect a person walking by the goddamn window. And a pretty wide window, that is. I might as well shoot myself in the fucking face if she was looking out the back window that is two stories up from the ground.

Now I leave you with a Wikipedia review of Battlefield Earth.

Battlefield Earth (2000)
Battlefield Earth was a box office bomb, earning back only $27.9 million of its $73 million budget and bankrupting Franchise Pictures.
Based on the first half of L. Ron Hubbard's thousand-page novel of the same name, starring John Travolta. Heavily hyped by the Church of Scientology, it had the third worst 3,000-theater-plus opening weekend up to that time. More than one reviewer called the film "Travolting".[19][20] Rob Vaux called the film a "crime against celluloid".[21] Several describe the pain experienced while watching it.[22] It has a three percent Rotten Tomatoes rating (listing 3 positive reviews out of 96).[23] The film won seven Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Picture and Worst Screen Couple (John Travolta and "anyone on the screen with him").[24] In 2005, an eighth Razzie (for Worst "Drama" of Our First 25 Years) was awarded to the film.[25] Maxim magazine printed, "Even Quentin Tarantino couldn't revive Travolta's career after this movie." To further cement its status in bad cinema, a RiffTrax commentary featuring Kevin Murphy, Mike Nelson and Bill Corbett from Mystery Science Theater 3000 was released in early 2007 after being off-the-air for nearly eight years.

LOL


Christina N. @ 6:28 PM