Thursday, March 22
I think the Jelly Belly people have the vomit-flavored jelly bean all wrong. Vomit never tastes the same for more than once, even if it's just water. Everybody's stomach fluids are different, and stomach fluids are in water vomit also. But, vomit is always varied in taste, color, and texture - because of what the fuck you ate.

18 days until Peeping Tom! 18 days until Mike Patton! Shit man, that's less than three weeks away. I once watched a video where he mentioned just about the only positive thing about having braces: "They'll blow you and give you a massage at the same time!"

The Fray sucks, end of story. Any band that used to be a Christian worship group sucks balls. You know what? Christians suck balls. Unfortunately, The Fray are pretty popular on the Banana Republic CDs that I have to listen to as I work six hours a day.

Speaking of christianity, the funniest thing happened yesterday. In pop music class, we had to present our songs on "social protest/change." One kid brought in a song by a - and I say this precisely, word for word - "Christian death metal band." The song was supporting the war in Iraq in revenge for 9-11. When the kid said that, I could see the word "IRONY" in black letters floating all around him and the boombox.

I heard that they are opening up an H&M at the Rockaway Townsquare Mall. Even then, I still wouldn't come there to shop because I know I'd be wearing the same clothes as a girl whose vajayjay is grimier than an 18-wheeler's mudflaps that just made a round trip across Siberia.

I will never forget this:

"Last year, in Los Angeles, a robber threatened a store owner with a syringe that he claimed had HIV on it, saying 'Give me the money or I'll give you AIDS.' You know what I would've told him? 'If you give me AIDS I'm gonna find your wife and daughter and fuck them.'"


Christina N. @ 9:31 PM