Have you ever had Tootsie Fruit Rolls? They're like Tootsie Rolls, but fruit flavored. It's un-fucking-believably good.
Now everyone knows about the type of people that I am going to talk about next. You know how when you're placed in an advanced class, and class is about to end? And then some fucking dumbshitted shmuck has to raise their hand two minutes before the bell, and says, "Wait, is there any homework?"
How fucking stupid can you be? It happens almost every day in my AP history class when there is no homework assigned; somebody has to come and remind the teacher and therefore ruin it for me and anybody else who has an idea of what "having a life" is. Fucking dolt. If you do this, I fucking hate you and think that you seriously need a fucking head check. Why the fuck do you want homework? Especially the type that takes you all night to do - no exaggeration.
I swear, the next time somebody says that, I'll say "What the fuck is your problem?" even louder than I normally would. Usually they're too fucking conceited to hear me, but now I really want to get my point across. It is such a fucktard thing to do, that I really can't come up with anything else to say about it.
Everybody knows that the Smashing Pumpkins are a very good band. But their live shows are absolutely, horrendously boring. I even have proof to back this up, besides owning both of their DVDs and not being able to stand them (waste of money, dude). One of them, the one with the live performances and documentary - I don't even know how long it is, because added to all of the extras, extras, and more goddamn extras of the same shit over and over, there's something called "The Lost '94 Tapes," which is absolutely agonizing to watch. Not to mention that "The Lost Tapes" are an amateur photographer's sad attempt at impressing Billy Corgan and trying to document anything at all on film.
One of my managers at Banana Republic saw the Smashing Pumpkins in concert back in the day, validates my statement. During "Bullet With Butterfly Wings," Billy Corgan makes everybody stop and start all over again, just because he messed up.
I folded so many t-shirts today that it is sickening. So you work in retail too? No, you haven't gone through anything when you work for shit like Mandee or DEB. No, that is fucking n00b retailing. The real pain comes when you work for a store where they sell headbands for $22+. Oh, you say that your place sells five headbands for five dollars? Fucking idiot.
There is something called "perfect folding." We fold with fucking wooden boards that weigh what feels like five pounds, steam front-displays, and sometimes are told to measure certain things. Dude, it fucking sucks balls. We also have to perfectly "finger space" every hanger on a rack. Then adjust the metal hooks so that they are all facing in the same direction. The Banana Republic in Short Hills often has its workers stay about five hours or more even after the store closes (sometimes into the early hours of the day) to re-fold the entire store.
Yes, I know that Banana Republic can be overpriced sometimes. But you don't officially know overpriced until you have stepped into Abercrombie & Fitch. I really don't understand that store. First of all, New Jersey is not a warm, beachy state. At least for the other three quarters of the year. Second of all, where do you fucking surf? All I see is a bunch of pansy-ass boogie boarding between shards of dead jellyfish and floating bits of seaweed. Another Lame NJ fact is that we are California posers. This goes for you Hollister shoppers too. What's with these shirts that have all of this surfing propaganda on them? You don't surf. Nor does anyone in New Jersey, because our beaches are so fucking lame that we can't surf. Stop trying to pretend that you're a Californian. Not that Californians are nice people anyway. I've been to California. They're assholes. Traffic is worse than in New York City. New Yorkers just make it seem like their traffic is worse because they have horrible tempers and severe anger issues. But traffic in California is the type where your car literally stops to a halt for about three hours, when on the way there it took only 45 minutes.
As much as I love the Mr. Bungle album, I don't pretend to be a California native nor wear pucca shells and rope around my neck. Fuck you. Put a coat on, it's snowing outside.
I was once at the Short Hills Mall or some shit, and was really in the mood of a denim jacket. I truthfully admit, Abercombie has some nice denim. But when I found an entire shelf wall full of nicely dyed and hand-touched denim jackets, thought that I had found the jackpot. Not when it's 100 fucking dollars when I could have sworn with my unborn baby's life that I saw the same exact piece of shit at Old Navy for $11; and the Old Navy one had beading on it.
People my age around here buy that shit by the truckloads. Are you really that brand-loyal? I think you're just stupid.
What is that I hear? You hate me? Maybe even possibly more so than before? I think you should be hating yourself, for being such a hypocritical fucktard. I eat cows and carry leather bags and get a discount on those $22 headbands. It's all okay over here.
Christina N. @ 8:49 PM
