Wednesday, February 28
Dude, today totally sucked. I wake up and you know how when the TV gets staticky? That's what I saw. It didn't go away. So I told my mom to call the doctor so that I could go see him as soon as possible. As soon as possible according to the business world means tomorrow. My vision has really been worrying me, because I've always held the record for watching the most TV and going on the computer the most, yet still have perfect 20/20 vision. Recently something's been wrong. My sight isn't so much blurry as it is speckly. I think it might be really serious, and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong. Hopefully I'm overreacting. Doubt it though.
My biggest fear is that I am developing diabetic retinopathy. That means I'm a diabetic. I fucking hope that I am not.
THAT MEANS NO MORE PIGGING OUT!!! It doesn't really make sense that I could be one, because I have absolutely no family history, am not a fat fuck, and don't eat that completely bad of a diet. The only other eye disease that could make sense is glaucoma. I would much rather have that. Cataracts just mainly affects old people. It's either those aforementioned things, or that I got some kind of insane infection that spread to my eyes, or that I got some kind of poison such as aerosol sprays or shit in my eyes. Maybe it's from touching the nastyass door handles in the bathrooms at school and uknowingly touched my eyes afterward. Just kidding. Sheesh.
Then I find out that the group of cronies of whom I stick around with the most are all going out to eat next week, and didn't invite me. I was sitting in Animal Behavior (which is, you know, the most difficult and strenuous of all academic subjects), while talking to one of them about how we don't have to go to school until 11:00AM all next week. So, being the food maniac that I am, say that we should do breakfast. She says, "Oh, I already am." I say, "With who?" Basically she said with everybody else. And I mean,
everybody else.
Her excuse was the dumbest fucking bullshit I had ever heard besides the second Faith No More album with Chuck Mosley. She said that I wouldn't fit in the car.
I wasn't about to take any shit, because clearly a lot had been dumped on me already. So I started speaking more loudly and made sort of a fiasco like many people do. Why do me and many other people do that? To get sympathy from other people, and get to use the word "fuck" as many times as I want, because I then had a legitimate reason to. My response basically went like this:
"What the fuck? Why the fuck would you and everybody else in the goddamn world go out to eat and not even invite the person who likes to eat the most? And what do you mean I wouldn't be able to fit in the car? Do I fucking look fat to you? What the flying fuck? That's fucking ridiculous." - my face basically looking like
this the entire time as I was expressing my anger. Sorry, I just HAD to slip in a Mike Patton right there. He is too important not to include in your daily life.
She shrugged it off, it being my typical response to everything that pisses me off. She then invited me and I got excited. But later on in the day, I realized that I shouldn't go. If they didn't want me there in the first place, then I shouldn't be ruining their party. I don't need her fucking pity. As much as I love sandwiches and paninis and souffles and brownies and bagels and hot chocolate, not taking shit and being considered as the "inferior party" is more important. I guess I'll just make another date with my cereal box and Faith No More DVDs while getting totally hammered with insults and other degrading scoldings from my mom yelling at me from in the kitchen.
That last sentence was sad, right? Well I wasn't really being serious. You should know that. Or was I?
I mean, it's okay if like a small portion of the group went and did their own thing because it's their own personal matter and I wouldn't give a shit, but when the entire goddamn posse does shit without inviting me for some lameass reason and backing it up with sourpuss excuses and letting me know about it, that's basically degrading me. Jesus fucking Christ.
Knowing this incident, there have probably been numerous other times that I have been purposely excluded from. Can't fucking trust anyone. No one gets between me and Panera Bread's sandwiches. No one. But maybe I really am a dickwad. Well, then don't fucking be my friend and tell me that you care. The president lies to me enough and it directly affects my life, I don't need your petty little fibs that don't really have to be fibs - just tell me that I need anger management and psychiatric help, whether it's for being an angry motherfucker or that I need to slow down on the musical obsessions or if I eat too much and empty your kitchen too often. Dickwad or not - I don't fucking care. What I do care about is, is when people fucking lie to me. I may be a dickwad, but not a lying dickwad. Ha!
God, that was the most pathetic paragraph ever.
Then two of the folks who are in the posse took too long to meet me at lunch, and what they didn't tell me or what I didn't know was if they were cutting school again or not. But whatever it was they were doing, I was really fed up with waiting and being by myself for like twenty fucking minutes, and left. Fuck them, man. At this point, everyone better be planning some sort of a surprise party for me.
Shaina hasn't called me at all last week, nor did she return my call on Sunday. What the fuck is going on? It's either she's really busy, is having too much of a grand ol' awesome time, or is fed up with me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. At least just make one last phone call to me to tell me that I should basically take my Peeping Tom CD, shove it up my ass and open it. I really miss talking to that chica.
Of course you know what the Peeping Tom packaging is like. You pull a tab and the CD comes out on the other end. It's like a cash register.
And then during dinner, I almost choked on a fishbone. As funny as that fucking is, it probably happened because I couldn't see the goddamn bone like I normally would be able to. Fuck this, man.
