Wednesday, May 24
I have come up with what I want to do in life. I want to write a book about nothing. Seriously, I am going to write a 150-200 page book on the ethics and every single aspect of Nothing. Just watch me, I'll make millions. It would be like that extremely controversial book Nigger that made a big hype a few years ago; an entire book revolving around just one word. (I think that book was only around 90 pages long anyway? Who the fuck knows, I didn't read it, surprisingly.) And the great thing is, Nothing is an even more general term than the other word, so I'd have a shitload more to talk about. Hell yeah, man. Let me start right now.



Nothing? What is the definition of "nothing?" According to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, defines "nothing" as:

1. Something that has no existence.
2. Something that has no quantitative value.
3. One that has no substance or importance; a nonentity.

In two out of the three definitions that are given, it seems as though one cannot escape the route of being forced to include the word "something." But what is "something?" We must ask that question too. "Nothing" and "something" are both of what we could say as mysterious entities that are of no particular at all. "Entity," as we know it, is a fact of existence; so in other words, "entity" is just the mere knowledge that we know something exists. [So "nothing" is someting that does not exist.] Therefore, could we say that a dead person is nothing, since they do not exist any longer? I only suggest you ask Keith Richards that question.

The second definition of "nothing" states that it is something that has no quantitative value. So basically, the number zero is nothing. That is very obvious. Any person who does not understand that should become nothing right now.

Let's look at the third and last definition: One that has no substance or importance; a nonentity. When using the word "one," what does the person mean by saying that? "One" could be substituted for pretty much virtually anything in the universe. But since it is being used to define the term "nothing" in this case, "one" is means "nothing."

"Nothing," perhaps, is one of the most widely used words in the english language. It is preferrably used by the person whom cannot think of another word during a conversation, so their natural reaction is mostly to just say, "Nothing."

It is also a word used many times in the action of denial. When someone is hiding something that they are doing, and another person comes along asks what they are doing, they would usually find themselves backing away from the actual truth and just bluntly and simply saying, "Nothing."



See? I could go on forever just talking about nothing. Notice how vague that last sentence sounded.

So there is going to be a five-day Memorial Day weekend coming up, and I have to go get my iPod fucking fixed. Whenever I try to turn it on, the screen doesn't even light up. It just shows the stupid fucking bitten apple in the middle of the screen for about thirty seconds and then goes to this other screen - a file with an exclamation mark in front of it - for about five seconds and then shuts off. Happens all the time, even when I charge it after leaving the battery to die. Fuck you, Steve Jobs. For creating this conspiracy and stupid trend known as the "iPod." Not to mention the stupid trend of capitalizing the second letter of an important word. And fuck you too, Bill Gates. For making my brand new computer compatible with the upcoming Windows Vista: First Edition, but not with the much better Windows Vista: Second Edition. Jesus Christ, whenever I say "edition," I think of that god awful shitty show starring the also shitsome Ty Pennington from the yet also absolutely shitsome Trading Spaces - Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. There should be no show with such a long and ridiculous name.

Same thing with bands. Pathetic bands becoming [undeservedly] famous that bear long and stupid names with about three or four words in them (i.e. Fall Out Boy, hellogoodbye is three fucking words still, okay?). But the longest one that I had ever heard was: Rocking Back & Forth to Create the Illusion of Satisfaction. Just their name alone takes up about a good third of a flyer. I've never heard their music before but I'm guessing that they're a shitty emo band whose band members' balls are constricted to $300 denim purchased at Diesel. As we have seen throughout history, any sort of constriction to the human body is gross and disgusting [mainly to our culture and probably a ton of others]. You know, those crazy ethnic women with the rings around their necks and binding their waists with rope or chinese people fucking up their feet. Once the binding comes off, you've got yourself a fucking mini giraffe. Or maybe Celine Dion if you're lucky.


Christina N. @ 5:22 PM