Has anyone ever seen Face/Off? That movie fucking rules, man. Not really, it just kicked ass and there's a prison riot during the movie. Everybody knows that a movie is instantly awesome once it has a prison riot in it. Trust me on this. Why did Crossroads suck? It didn't have a prison riot scene in it.
Nicholas Cage is a horrible actor and John Travolta needs to find a new role. But for some reason that movie fucking owned. Yet again, it's probably because of the prison riot. I remember watching Face/Off as a kid when my grandpa rented it from Blockbuster, and being sad because John Travolta's kid gets shot while riding on a carousel, and being scared shitless because Nicholas Cage was walking around with no fucking face. Overall I would rate this flick a guilty pleasure.
Check out Travolta's facial bowels.
But then again, I'm such a sucker for dumb action movies. Like a couple weeks ago when I was watching Commando. I laughed my fucking ass off when The Arnold threw a 2-foot-wide metal pipe that was about 10-feet-long right through a guy's torso; while his 12-year-old daughter was standing right behind him watching the whole thing happen. Every action star is a bad father.
The one thing that I totally, totally hate saying is that I used to be a Steven Seagal fan. Dude, I admit it. I have no idea why the hell anyone would take that man seriously, but I did. Holy fucking Jesus. I'd like to see that loser trying to drop a 20-pound turd and see if his facial expression changes, because clearly it is already in its constipation form - twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Maybe he smiles, because the opposite of a no-crap grimace is a smile. Maybe for him it's the opposite and he smiles when he craps. I don't know. God what the fuck am I talking about?
And who hasn't watched Kung Fu at least five times already? I didn't find out that David Carradine wasn't chinese until fucking Kill Bill came out. Talk about slow. He still sucks at kung fu. Although, he makes a great sandwich. I think he finally noticed that he seriously can't kick a block of wood's ass and nowadays just hosts Wild West Tech on the History Channel. He is a smart guy.
Fucking pwnz.
Christina N. @ 7:39 PM
