I know I start many a paragraph with this phrase:
If there is one thing that I hate, it's drama nerds. A girl brought in the Rent soundtrack for our gym class to listen to, and it pissed me off so fucking much that I felt an imaginary hammer beating the shit out of the sane part of my brain inside of my head. Much like the walking hammers that you see in The Wall. Beating and beating my poor brain; I could feel the pink and red juices and cells splashing everywhere within my skull with every indentation as another smash from the hammer impaled its metal smasher into it. It was fucking horrible. Fucking lame. The girl and her friends kept singing along to all of the songs like they were praying to god or something. The imposter god, not David Lee Roth. They obviously did not read the bible correctly, for David Lee Roth is the one who created the universe in not six days or six weeks, but while he drank six hundred beers in six seconds. Beat that, god. Admit it, god totally knocked up Mary in a synagogue.
Actually, David Lee Roth knocked up Mary and created Chuck Norris.
If there is another thing that I dislike very much, if you hadn't already noticed, is broadway. On my eighth grade field trip, the entire eigth grade went to New York City to eat at ESPN Center, spend part of the night on a cruise that went around the city, and before the cruise was to see the show 42nd Street. That was one of the worst one hour and thirty minutes that I had ever experienced in my entire life. That was only the first half of the show. It was so fucking boring that I literally slumped in my seat, trying to stay awake and keep my eyelids open like I was trying to lift two-ton lead weights with them. When everyone on a stage lit up brighter than your mom last night is supposed to act happy and jovial and inject botox on their dimples before every performance that lasts for about three hours or more, the show will clearly suck. I cannot stand watching something with that same overall emotion being played for that long. It's practically as boring as a Dave Matthews Band album.
All the dancing and flashy costumes is not in any way like an acid trip. It just gives me a fucking headache, like I'm watching H n' R Puf n' Stuff while the characters in their giant foam costumes go on a supermarket shopping spree, racing their carts up and down the aisles after snorting insane amounts of cocaine (mind you that I did not say marijuana), added to the incriminating high-pitched singing that sounds really bad that is included with the broadway show. Usually that singing sounds a lot like shopping carts [and the food in them] bouncing up and down on top of hundreds of tiles while the carts move at 50MPH.
Since that negatively aforementioned movie has been released, all of a sudden everybody (by that I mean short girls with greasy hair who listen to showtunes and can't get laid) jumps on the bandwagon and is suddenly totally infatuated in the world of Broadway. All of a sudden there's a bunch of dipshits walking down the un-sidewalk-containing streets of Rockaway singing songs from Rent. Get a fucking life I don't want to hear you sing. Much less make me do stretches while listening to that bullshit and expecting me to feel good afterwards.
"OMG Rosario Dawson is so beautiful, I wish I looked like her."
In your dreams, moron. Unless you're a dyke, stop talking about how hot certain women are so much and start working on that You Can't Get Laid at All issue. And I mean with an actual boner. I've seen that actress in 25th Hour and quite not so frankly I don't give a shit about her at all. Why? Because I was paying attention to Edward Norton, that's fucking why, man. Edward Norton is the fucking man. You want a real movie? Watch American History X. There's some skinheads and fat racist fucks for ya.
In matters of good news, my mom said we're having quesadillas for dinner tomorrow.
Christina N. @ 5:43 PM
