Friday, December 16
If Darwin were to choose a successor who had the right and the power to "thin the herd," he should choose me. People just fucking barraged me with shitty music all fucking day today. Shitty not in the aspect that it sounds like "shibby," no no, my friend, shitty as in its synonym, Michael Bolton. In history class we had a substitute teacher, so of course we did classwork. Well this bitch of a showoff that was sitting two seats behind me had a laptop and was playing show tunes off of it. Jesus fucking Christ, way to show us that you are gay. I could feel my brain contracting so I decided to take a fifteen-minute bathroom break.

And then there was gym class. The almighty Mr. Wittner's music policy for the aerobics course I'm taking, is that we go in order by seating and that person gets to bring in music for one day. Not surprisingly, one of the dumbest people in the world next to the person who invented arsenic wallpaper brought in, yes, Fall Out Boy for the class to stretch to. Every stretch that I did, every calf muscle that I pulled, I cringed. Cringed not because I was in pain from months of being a lazy sod, but cringed because I am actually sane when it comes to what is good musicianship and what isn't. What a fucking dolt.

There was a delayed opening, and since I couldn't sleep, decided to watch the ol' television. VH1 just happened to be exploiting some sass of a pussy named Jonathan, John, Josh, something? Blunt. Yeah, his name is Something Blunt. I can't remember his first name. But I do remember that he had ugly, ugly feet. And that he sat on a white floor in Bruce Lee sweat pants and sang to his sneakers and a few pieces of cardboard or lint or some shit that was lined up in front of him. Well he has this big hit of a song, called "You're Beautiful." Yeah if you're Cindy Crawford of Joe Perry or something like that, yeah then you've heard it enough times. But when you're asian and you have a fat face, it doesn't make you feel too good. And not to mention that they play that song at Pier 1 Imports all the fucking time; it was on one of the CDs that was in rotation for the store's atmospheric purposes a while ago.

I swear, back then I had no idea who sang the song nor had I ever seen the video, and genuinely thought it was a woman singing. I also saw the video for the first time a few nights ago and thought Something Blunt was lipsynching the woman that was actually singing the song. Guess I was totally wrong. He sings like a fucking girl. Just like other crap musical ensembles like Coheed & Cambria or Fall Out Boy. I would not want to fuck a guy who sings like a girl and looks like a fat palm tree or who bounces around on the stage claiming that he could play bass like the Energizer Bunny. Man, I bet the Energizer Bunny could play a clarinet despite the fact that he has no fingers and make it sound like a Ted Nugent guitar riff compared to that fucking Fall Out Boy guy.


Christina N. @ 4:45 PM