Monday, November 7
I have a four(?)-page report to write for Business Management that's due tomorrow and I didn't even start on it yet. Four fucking pages on bullshit that I don't know how the hell it makes sense in any fucking way at all. Picking a product that should be sold in a certain country, design a logo, describe business customs, explain trade barriers. Dude, having anal sex with a millimeter-in-diameter funnel in your ass makes more sense than this. I might as well not do the paper. Damn right, fucker. Kiss my fucking yellow asian ass and enjoy it.

The packet that the teacher gave us says the summary is supposed to be two pages long, but then while she was explaining the project to us, changed it to four pages. Thanks a fucking lot, you have started the clogging process of a pore on my face, therefore causing another stress-formed zit to grow spontaneously on it someday.

In biology we watched the movie Gattaca, and I was just about the only person in the classroom fucking laughing my ass off when Jude Law, also known as the cripple, was confiscated by an official to check if he was "valid" or not. Well, valids in the world of Gattaca are not supposed to be in wheelchairs, so Jude Law's character lied and said that he hurt himself training and that he would be out of the cripplechair the next day and started yelling at the offical and chasing him on his wheelchair, yelling, "Whot's yo'w numbah? Whot's yo'w numbah?" And fucking cursing out the guy in that funky accent that he has. Man, there is nothing funnier than a cripple with honey-dyed blonde hair chasing around a guy in a tan trench coat and yelling in a british accent at the guy for insulting him.

Jude Law is the bitchiest cripple I have ever seen, and I get such a hell of a kick out of it. Because he's the first cripple I've ever seen who wears suits that cost more than Michael Bolton's haircut, gets drunk and keeps samples of his alcohol-saturated urine for another guy to wear around his leg, and chases privileged people who have workable legs around while on his wheelchair.

I made a pact to myself to start dieting today. Guess I didn't.


Breakfast
1 everything bagel
2 strawberry Poptarts

Lunch
1 bag of cooler ranch Doritos
1 bag of M&M's

Afterschool Snack
half a large bag of Lays regular potato chips
1 banana because of my mom

Dinner
1 bowl of vegetables and rice
fried tofu
3 chocolate chip cookies


I'd probably have to seriously start eating better tomorrow, because I still have to do at least one jumpkick with David Lee Roth before I leave this world, where I would go golfing with Elvis. Since he can't really do anything else at that weight of his.

I was watching The Tick on ABC Family (man I hate that channel to the fucking core, except when they show old superhero shows like X-Men or when they show Whose Line is it Anyway?) a while ago and man, I never realized it was so great. Watched it when I was a kid pretty often but never remembered until now. It seems even funnier right now because I actually get most of the jokes. When I was a kid I just liked it because it was silly. As of now, it's way more than just silly.

I laughed my fucking flat ass off when in the particular episode that I was watching, the villain was the empress of not the Ottoman Empire, but the Ottoman Empire. As in one of these. Her superpower was to fly, and to summon pieces of furniture to move and try to kill The Tick and his cronies. She made a table move and bark like a dog and chase somebody's ass, and a tall green drawer with two sides of drawers going down, punch Die Fledermaus with two of its drawers.

There was also an enormous green armchair that was hailed "The World's Most Comfortable Chair" and when someone sat on it, they basically get stoned. The Tick sat on it for a while during his battle with The Ottoman Empress and that's how he was losing for some time. As seen here.

The whole show and everything in it is fucking hilarious. Just thought I'd point a few characters out:


Baby Boomerangutuang
His power was to throw dolls at bad guys and they'd come flying back like boomerangs.


Bi-Polar Bear
Pretty much the superhero for all emo kids.


Gesundheit
He's allergic to everything, therefore his super sneezes give him super flying powers.


Joseph Stalin
Superpower of one day hoping to take over the world and promote totalitarianism upon all of us.


Chairface Chippendale
This chippendale ain't never gettin' paid from me, man. His head's harder than his penis, literally.


the Swiss
They may have made cool knives, but their real motive behind that is to encourage suicide upon the world's population.


The Man-Eating Cow
I have no idea.


Uncle Creamy
"Uncle Creamy was an actor used as a corporate mascot to sell ice cream, but after a freak industrial accident he is transformed into a seemingly evil ice cream cone."


Uncle Creamy II
Fuckin' most kick ass ice cream I have ever seen. Created to kill Uncle Creamy.


Christina N. @ 8:02 PM