Friday, November 4
As of yesterday I have decided that I am going to go through a fat phase. Most people do that in college, when they live in a dorm unsupervised by their parents, and end up eating junk food for every meal of the day. Fuck that, I'm doing it right now. Under supervision of my parents and along with the healthy food that they stuff down my mouth.

But then Ilona just called me an hour ago, asking to go to the movies with her. Said I couldn't because I can't. And I can't because I'm a lazy sod. Then I asked her if everyone else was busy and why she couldn't go with them. Well, one friend of hers, was busy because of modelling stuff. That made me feel crappy. So I decided to reduce my fat phase to just this weekend.

Today went rather well with my plan, and I'll list all the things that I devoured just for the fucking hell of it.


Breakfast
1 hash brown
2 sprinkled sugar cookies

Lunch
2 styrofoam plates of french fries
1 sprinkled sugar cookie
2 chocolate tootsie pops

Afterschool Snack
nachos with cream cheese
2 strawberries

Dinner
1 and 1/2 stone crabs
1 bowl of soup with rice
grilled pork

Dessert
Haagen Dazs chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
1 croissant


Alright, I'll explain to you about the nachos with cream cheese. I come home and see a fresh new bag of nachos lying on top of the refridgerator, and was totally excited because my mom never buys nachos. But to my disappointment, after rummaging through every cabinet and counter top and refridgerator shelf there was in the kitchen, discovered that she did not buy any sort of dip, at fucking all. No cheese dip, no salsa dip, no ranch dip. Goddamn was my bubble busted.

We didn't even have cheese slices so that I could unwrap a bunch of them and microwave them. Peanut butter or just plain butter or pate or condensed milk would be too weird. So, the next best thing was a two-thirds empty Philadelphia Cream Cheese container lying somewhere in the back of the refridgerator. Hey, it's cheese, that's something. It didn't taste all too bad, but after a while I got totally sick of it - a feeling that I have never before experienced with nachos in my entire life. In the end, I still would have preferred the melted cheese slices because they were at least yellow.

Coincidentally, my mother declared that tomorrow all we're eating is Pizza Hut pizza. The bad part is, I'm going to be at work from 10AM to 4PM (and the damn place opens at noon) so it won't be as fresh by the time I return home, and hopefully there'll be enough left for my Fat Phase standards.

The good thing about fat phases is that you could get rid of all your belts and rip out all the drawstrings in your pairs of sweatpants. And the fact that you have a reason why you look like such a fucking fat fuck. When someone tells you that you're fat while you're in a fat phase, you just say, "Fuck you, motherfucker. Just wait until I get skinny again, we'll see who's the ugly bitch here."

Oh man, I can't wait until tomorrow after work. Pizza and fucking ice cream and soda and maybe some stuff left over from Starbucks or Qdoba from my work break. Not to mention adding another few heart attacks somewhere down my lifetime. I'd rather die of a quickie Fred Sanford heart attack than twenty years of syphilis.


Christina N. @ 6:59 PM