Friday, October 21
I think I'm either lately being a self-righteous prick or that a lot of people have been affected by some weird disturbance in the Earth's magnetic atmosphere and have suddenly decided to set a high school goal of pissing me off. I think I'm just a prick. The main reason is that my mother has been pretty bitter, and/or disappointed in me, and has caused me to be worried, stressed, and embittered as a result. Her main reason for being disappointed is that for one thing, on my progress report I got two 70s and a 65. She didn't give a shit that everything else out of the eight courses was 89 and higher, including two 100s (for the first fucking time in my number-graded life, man); nor the fact that I really worked harder this quarter. Even if she has told me that all she wanted was for me to do my best. I fucking did, man. She doesn't know, and probably wouldn't believe me if I said this, but for gym every single goddamn person gets the same exact grade, which is just a showing that they passed or not passed, and for business management my teacher lost my paper and lied to me - she said that my grade would be higher but by seeing it on my progress report - she was wrong.
So I am taking Amy out for dinner tonight at 6:00, which I'm assuming is against my mom's will because she hasn't really been talking to me ever since I stepped into the house after coming home from school today, except for telling me that Pier 1 Imports called earlier, asking me for a second job interview with them. But what I'm guessing she only sees is that she thinks I just want to fucking go out - out of her house. That is not fucking true at all. I hadn't seen this close friend of mine in two fucking years and her birthday was just on Wednesday, and thought it would be a splendid idea to take her out to dinner as a gift, and was also a good opportunity so that we could catch up on things. I'm not fucking doing this for myself entirely, that would only be something a self-righteous dick would do; I'm a self-righteous prick who doesn't like underclassmen because they keep stepping on my feet in the hallway and talking about Fall Out Boy.
I'm pretty damn worried about how long this grudge from my mother is going to last, and how far (if at all) she is going to punish me. She said that going out once every week is too much. That's a conservative asian thing, for those of you whose eyes just popped up an inch wider. But then again, I could just be overreacting and there may not be anything wrong at all.
And yes, I'm pretty damn excited about this second interview for the job at Pier 1 Imports tomorrow at 11:00 in the morning. The place smells pretty damn nice, it's not messy, the place is stylish, and there's not a shitload of people everywhere at all times. I probably have a good chance at getting it, and hopefully the turnout would be different that from that fucking T.J. Maxx place.
Maybe the thing about seeing Conan O'Brien (and much less that comedy festival that Denis Leary is going to be at in Soho, NYC) next month is totally out of the question at this rate and point. Kind of upsetting, but I'm not really sure if I deserve to go anyway.
Just a minute ago when I was packing my purse ready for dinner later, my sister stands outside my door and demands, "HELP!" - meaning that there is something wrong with her computer and I
have to go help her. Jesus fucking Christ, at least
ask me to. Eleven fucking years old, decent student in middle fucking school, and she still doesn't fucking have a smidge of respect. She's fucking lucky that I didn't pull a fucking Axl like my initial reaction would've normally been, but I surprised myself and my anger guage didn't fly. Mostly because had my mom heard me get angry, which she usually does because the house ain't that big and it's a fucking ranch house, she would've really given me a harder time than she already is.
Like I've said many times before, nothing pisses me off more than disrespect. And the only time that my sister ever talks to me is if she needs (or rather, demands for) help, or to ask a stupid question about her homework, like "What's the answer to this question?" The question is usually relating to an entire short-story that must be read in order to answer the goddamn question. At least have the common sense to know that the only way to answer those types of questions is to read the story over for a better understanding or at least show me a portion of the story to read to help her answer the question. Another reason why I don't think she ever talks to me that much is because she's afraid of me. Well that's nice because she pisses me off and therefore I get angry, and anger never makes a person not look scary.
Added to my voice and how old I look in comparison to my age, is one of the reasons that my parents don't have many friends. Yeah, you know, that type of situation in which your dad's friend-from-work's family is having a party and so your dad takes his family to the party too, thus opening a door to new family (mostly parents') friends. Normally, when people at these parties see me (considering that they are vietnamese, all the time), and how many feet taller I am than them, along with my beastman voice, fucking scares them. This naturally leads to them judging my parents too, even if they are nothing like me. This leads to them not wanting to get into contact with my parents very much after that particular party.
I am absolutely fine with that, because if someone is that fucking shallow and close-minded to judge a person entirely on their outer appearance, and only on their fucking daughter, then I don't want to associate with them at all. And the adults that really do admire me despite my grizzlyness, then I admire them greatly in return. These are the folks that my parents are actually friends with and are in contact with pretty constantly. It's really disappointing, because of just my appearance and persona, is the reason that my parents don't have many friends. It's really disappointing that a lot of people back away so easily and by something that dumb.
