Thursday, September 1
I think my dad is masturbating in his room because I keep hearing loud sudden noises. My mom's at work still and the sibling went to bed. And for your information, I did not have clams for dinner tonight.

This afternoon I took my mom's words into consideration when she was talking about how dumb my sister is. One day, after Kelly's appointment at the eye doctor and hearing that it got significantly worse in such a short amount of time, my mom explained to her that she should find other things to do rather than watching TV or going on the computer 24/7, i.e. playing outside. Stupidly enough, Kelly went into her room for about a half hour to contemplate about her important change in lifestyle. She then came out and asked my mom, "What do I do outside?" She is eleven years old.

My mom's words just reminded me of the pleasant time that I had a couple months ago when I sat on the porch on a beautiful day, just sitting on a redneck lawnchair, eating vanilla oreos and listening to, that's right, Ted Nugent. I decided to do that same thing today, and enjoy what's left of my summer vacation.

So I took Kelly's radio out of her room, picked up The Dirt, and sat down in the same exact place as before. It was quite the nice day, except for the wind, which kept making my favorite radio station lose its signal. The reason I didn't play CD's was because I heard that Denis Leary was the voice in those Coors Light commercials, and thought I would catch a hear of one of them Coors Light commercials. I didn't. I waited and waited. Commercial break after commercial break. All I heard was this stupid most-likely-big-boobed chick advertising Amstel Light. I don't care if Coors Light sucks (or anything light, for that matter), I just wanted to hear it just for the fucking sake of it.

WDHA, I think (one of the guys who were made over on Queer Eye For the Straight Guy is a DJ on one of their radio shows) was airing this auction for front row Stones tickets, the proceeds going to help those in New Orleans. The bidding was up to $5050 by the time I heard it and it would go up fifty bucks on every half hour, I think until 9:00 P.M. I would've very much like to have participated, but you know me, not enough dough.

As I was reading The Dirt (again), this bee started flying around me. As any sane and non-chicken person would do, was to stay completely still and the flying mini Stryper-blimp would eventually go away. This goddamn bee would not go away. I stayed still for about two minutes, watching it whiz around my back and around my legs, and it would just not fucking leave. (Did I stink that bad or something? I hadn't washed my hair in three days. But that fact only applies to flies, according to myth.) The fucking thing just went around and around, for some fucking reason beyond my knowledge; Until I actually started to get nervous. I was waiting for the right time to make a run for it, but the thing would not even fly an inch out of orbit. So when it was behind my chair, I got up and dashed for the door.

I stood there inside the door looking at the bee fly around my empty chair for another 60 seconds.


Christina N. @ 11:32 PM