Tuesday, August 23
I really don't get ABC. That network has seriously got to be filled with dipshits too sissy to try crack so they snort Lysol bathroom cleaner. They keep airing great new shows and no matter how great they are, they're cancelled within the close of one season. I was so furious when they cancelled Complete Savages, and today while at the mall I almost got
The Job - The Complete Series, but my mom was being a fucking moron. Typical of a fucking sixteen year old to say, but I actually have a logical reason to say. My visiting grand uncle from Seattle strictly said he wanted to get it for me. It's like a grandfather wanting to get his grandchild a toy that they adored to no end. He's sort of like my grandpa, a replacement for the one who disappeared. But while I was holding the box my mom turns me around to the side and secretly says to me, "Get something under $30, don't waste his money." The thing cost $50.
This may sound pretentious, but I think it was certainly not. I could go on and be sappy sappy about how this man cares about me, being just recently when he came to visit us after ten years of separation, he's found out that this person who was once a five year old who didn't know a single piece of shit from a cow's green piece of shit, that we had so much in common. That's just barely a description. You could just imagine how much he loves his grandniece. And with my mom's bullshit of putting on this completely fake face and tone of voice when talking to him, thinking he's too old to do anything, or too poor to buy himself fast food, is extremely disrespectful to my grand uncle. She's making him look like a total fucking idiot by telling false facts about her children and even her own husband. I can't even stand to look her in the fucking face anymore, it is disgusting. Even if the uncle is in another room, all of a sudden now she's talking to me nicely. Come on you fucking pussy, show your real colors. That's what the man really wants to see. He loves being unique and people who are unique, and this thing with my mother making me be quiet all hours of the day makes steam blow out of my ears. It's like compressing something that has potential within a tiny box, and squeezing it and squeezing it tighter and tighter, compressing all of its potential until it eventually dissipates into nothing at all.
Of course it's only polite to be nicer and respectful when a guest is around, but it's downright absolutely disrespectful when you are totally different from your real, individual self - putting on a new '50s wife-type smiley face, telling false ("politely" negative) facts about her household, and treating him like some 90-year-old in diapers and a wheel chair. She's faking it so horribly that I find it so ridiculous. When she talks about herself it's all good and perfect, no flaws.
Being that I am the child, and along with her looming belief that parents come first no matter what (even before moral and logical reason) and violating that belief I would get severely punished when the uncle leaves, I shut the fucking yap and just scoff at her when in private. What a fucking moron. Just watch me explode, just watch. When I'm seventeen years old, discussing my future with my mom, I'll explode. Just combust in anger. And then a million little red peppers will be raining from the sky over my blasted body. Like that dude whose head blew off in the Judas Priest video for "You Got Another Thing Comin'".
So back to the box set. It is on the borderline of wanting too much, but he strictly said to her before we went that he
wanted to buy his grand nieces anything in the world. He told me he wanted to buy me the whole store, just so the reader could get a taste of how big his heart is. For my mother to reject (behind his fucking back) his offers, after how much he said he would do, is saying that
a) she thinks he is just doing it be nice
b) she thinks he is just a nice little old man
c) she thinks he's poor
d) she thinks his money isn't good enough
e) she thinks i'm being a brat
f) she doesn't like denis leary
I could object with selection (e) because he desperately wanted to buy something for me and see my eyes light up and be happy (even though I am already overjoyed of what I've learned about him). But to reject such a sincere and heart-felt offer is very disrespectful. It's like saying you don't love them in a way/rejecting their welcoming into their own loving. I felt like such a fool when we all were walking out of the video store empty-handed and he asked me, "Aren't you getting that thing?", and I just say, "I changed my mind." Just like that. Just like a fucking idiot. Just like a seven year old who forgot everything. I felt such a blow inside, and hopefully the same thing wasn't going on inside of him either. But it saddens me that it most likely did.
He is definitely not a little old man either. A refugee(?) during the Vietnam War, he's become an author, artist, teacher, and journalist in Seattle right now. He's big on culture and buddhism. Thinking he's a little helpless, stupid, old man is just plain revolting in my eyes.
Because of my mom and her being blind, we left the shopping center at 2 fucking 45 in the afternoon. I'm usually not even done eating lunch by then.
He wanted to get me a leather jacket because I kept looking over at them in every store window, but she flapped her mouth on and on about how crappy she thinks the leather is and how I have one already. Yeah, one that is too short and can't be worn in winter. Time for the pretentious part that not a single person lives without; the four things that I love are food, leather, rock n' roll and Denis Leary. I don't need anything else. She violated every single element in just a matter of three hours, implying that I'm old fashioned and stuck in my own little world. Well, if I didn't have my own interests and my "own little world" I would be just like that mask that you have on right now.
