Friday, July 8
Oh boy, I was looking around this stupid Myspace impostor called Yourvoid and this guy's profile had the greatest cursor ever. So what do you think I did? Just laughed about it and went on with my life? Fuck no, I fucking stole it. Just hover the mouse over a link and laugh your ass off along with me.

It's raining like god was suddenly diagnosed with colon cancer but I feel like thrashing around outside like an absolute idiot in army boots and swinging my rifle around on the front yard crushing my mom's flowers and the boob-looking fire hydrant, but then all of my neighbors would push aside their curtains and stare at me through their windows like I were Vanilla Ice wearing straight-legged pants or something, and becoming the next topic for big gossip for the next two months. And then of course my mom would tie me down with a lasso and drag me into the house through the pretty front door.

Last night when in the middle of taking a shower I just started cracking up while lathering my pits or rock-hard abs or something like that. The "Asshole" song was stuck in my head and since a person generally thinks more deeply when in the shower, it just seemed so much more fucking funnier when I was in the buff doing the daily bodily cleaning routine. It was just so funny that I crouched over laughing so hard. I'm so fucking weird but hey, that's what you get when you were born asian.

"I park in handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces."

While eating my two-hour lunch today VH1 was showing I Love the '90s: 1990. They were featuring the movie Pretty Woman and kept showing footage of anonymous blurred-faced street hookers, including one wearing a tacky red shiny pleather girdle humping a rusty street sign. I recall it was a white one saying Speed Limit: Something Something.


Christina N. @ 4:31 PM