Wednesday, July 20
I hate bedtime. You know why? Because I can't sleep. Went to bed at 1:30 this morning, couldn't sleep so I decided to watch some TV. 3:00 comes around and I'm tired as a hooker trying to look for Fat Joe's penis under all his fat, still couldn't sleep. So then I watch this special on Animal Planet called "Nature's Vampires." Maybe it's the fact that I'm more sensitive at night, or that I'm just a plain fucking pussy, but I was cringing and squirming throughout the half hour that I watched it. A woman who ventured into a rainforest got a leech in her eye and up her nose, and she didn't even notice until her friends saw or when blood started dripping out of her nose uncontrollably. There was another guy who got one of those week/month-long deadly leeches up his nose, and it took a doctor and himself with the help of grabbing onto the walls and furniture in the doctor's office, just to yank out the then foot-long leech that would seldom peep out of his nose every so often for the past eighteen days.

Seriously, if there was a worm wiggling around my nasal passages, I would know. I'm allergent-prone so I detect just about every piece of dust that comes intact with my cilia.

One guy had maggots living inside him and eating him alive. He was telling his story about how he was working in a rainforest in Africa and was rowing as fast as he could back to his base camp, but these giant six-inch-in-diameter zits that were filled with maggots all over his body caused him too much pain. Until one day, this mysterious black man comes out of the forest and starts rubbing grease onto the sores. Then one by one, hour after hour, (and they fucking reenact this on TV), the mystery guy starts squeezing out the maggots out of the helpless guy's body. Yellow and red shit flying everywhere, splattering onto the camera; this was the first time since watching The Big Comfy Couch that I had to turn my head away from a television set.

So I fall asleep at 4:00 A.M. And guess what, I wake up at a mere puny fucking three hours later at 7:00 A.M. because the Guns n' Roses drawing fell off the wall and hit my leg. And it's fucking styrofoam! The sound of the tape unsticking itself sounded like a door or window collapsing, it scared the shit out of me. Jesus, talk about insomniac pussy light sleeping. I guess I shouldn't use masking tape, probably because of the humidity.

Last night I was browsing LiveJournal and stumbled upon a Rescue Me fanfiction community. Rescue Me, Denis Leary, fanfiction? Denis and fanfiction go together as well as me, and Axl Rose in Switzerland, okay? We would probably beat the shit out of each other in a clog dance-off and then start arguing about how oddly huge his balls are.

Now that is just, god, fucking lame. Once a trend starts to spark fanfiction, it immediately gets an anime-like fanbase, which are exactly the stupid fuckers who write that cowshit. Every time, somebody has to ruin it for everybody. I can't even read the descriptions, let alone skimming through a goddamn one, not even to laugh my fucking fallopian tubes off at how dumb it is. They have surpassed the stupid line, all the way into the You're a Fucking Retard line.


Christina N. @ 8:55 AM