Tuesday, May 3
Hi Kids,
I got a little sick yesterday because I was eating bread and butter and I didn't know how long the butter had been in the fridge. Talk about dumbass.
So I was sitting with my friend today at lunch and he was talking about a certain book but forgot the author's name. And then he asks this random kid who was walking by out loud, "HEY DO YOU THE KNOW THE AUTHOR OF [SO AND SO TITLE OF BOOK]?" (I forgot the book's title, sadly.) And the kid's like, "No, I have no idea!" And then my friend replies, "OH OKAY, JUST CHECKING." Then the kid says, "Oh okay, I don't even know you, so!" and he walks away. I ask my friend if he didn't really know the kid or if he really did and he was simply like, "No, he's indian and the author of the book is indian so I figured he'd know."
Cruel and sadistic, but I laughed my ass off. Another time him, Eric, and I were sitting outside and his jewish friend Jay comes over and sits too. Then he goes on about how he has this brilliant plan to extinguish all the jews in the world with a giant machine that will start off with Jay. Eric asks if he has any wires in his bag and he says, "One."
Eric asks, "One?"
"Two."
"Two?"
"Four."
"Four?"
"Six."
"Six?"
And then he lastly answers in this military singsong voice, "Who do we wanna eliminate?"
Oh god, that was so great. Cruel and sadistic, but great. And this whole time Eric was really, genuinely confused every time that he said a new number. He really, neither did I, have any idea that it was going to turn out as some kind of song.
Of course we're all kidding. Some folks have this hilarious tendency to make fun of their own backgrounds. Even I do, if you haven't noticed. But sometimes I'm telling the truth, because there indeed is no such thing as a sexy asian boy.
Sometimes I really cannot fucking stand to make myself visible on AIM. Shaina this excludes you because Shaina is always on the good side of my braina. So anyway, one friend, Elena, she just won't leave me the fuck alone. Never. The second I sign on visibly, she IMs me saying hey, I say hey, she asks what's up, I say so and so and so, bada bing bada boom she starts dumping all this shit on me which is all these intense anger problems in her life. She goes on and on and on and on, usually expecting some kind of debate of intelligence explaining for other people's bullshitting of her and causing her so much teen pain and angst. On and on and on and on and on. I can't fucking take it anymore. She's either complaining about the stupid fucktards in her all-greek catholic(?) school and now, all those stupid fucktards and how all those stupid fucktards make fun of her newfound boyfriend, and how she wants to see him so bad but he lives a bit far from her. I constantly tell her to stop complaining to me and do something about it, but then she keeps going on.
I can't talk to anyone else online without having to explain things more calmly to her every five fucking seconds to keep up with her typing. I can't do anything I fucking want with anything or anyone else because I constantly have to console her. Of course, I'm concerned for her but she needs to know that I have my own shit to do and I can't fucking think straight if I'm concentrating on her my entire time that I'm online. She's online like fucking twelve hours a day, possibly more so than I and during the entire time that I am ever online. She is the one who is constantly forcing myself to hide and rarely ever IMing anybody at all.
Sometimes I would really love for anybody to message me, but then she messages me with her redundant annoying problems and then I suddenly find going online a fucking burden, no longer a pleasure. Sure if I want to be a fucking psychologist she'd be working my ass off. But no I am not that patient of a person and quite frankly I can't take it anymore. She needs to stop making petty excuses (which is the majority of her rambles added to all these different people that I have no idea ever existed that she constantly adds to my list of problems to solve every day for her) and fix her fucking life before I start to go insane, sort of like her.
When I see her log off, I take it like a godsend. I have a great time talking to others who message me, it's such a leisure. But I'd be fucking damned when she signs on again and I don't see.
Then she messages me. And then I sigh. A sigh ful of pain and perturbance.
If I tell her of how such a burden she is to me, she'd probably take me as some stupid fucktard like she thinks everyone around her is. She thinks that every person who knows her, even online, like me, talks shit about her. So telling her of this would probably make her dislike me and think much lowly of me. Elena's a girl full of potential to do great in the philosophical and scholarly world, I think she's a great person, but she needs to stop being so fucking dependent. It's like I'm having children already. Oh fucking come on, I can't even take care of myself. And not only do I have many issues going on currently in my own life as you have read in the past few entries, I can't fucking clear my head when I am constantly trying to help her.
She keeps saying how I'm right and how much she appreciates my guidance and all, but I haven't seen her change a bit throughout the time that I've known her. A lot of things that I say, she blatantly makes an excuse that she has done that and that it doesn't work. True, I'm not in her shoes and I only know her online, but my god, ignoring people who are pestering you will always work.
Always work. Except if they shoot you. That is the
only logical excuse for when ignoring people doesn't work.
I realize that I'm starting to become like her, exactly like her actually, by rambling on and on about my problems. But this is the first time that I've ever gotten to speak about it. So you see, this is the reason that I never seem to be online. And now that you know this, if you would like to talk to Christina via AOL Instant Messenger, and it looks like she isn't signed on, just check her info anyway and message away.
Elena is driving me fucking crazy. And yes I am a mean son of a bitch for saying such things about her, but this is a journal and you could say whatever the fuck you want in a journal. Case closed.
No editing because I'll get nearsightedness and arthritis at the same time.
