Saturday, May 21
Okay, so at Target there was this shelf full of hanging bags of beef jerky in front of me while my mom was complaining on how she wanted me to start eating yogurt again for my skin's sake. But I wasn't listening really, I was trying to decide on which bag to put into our cart. I chose this really neat and tidy looking Slim Jim brand bag. It was also the largest bag of the bunch.

So we get into the car, and my mom wants to eat it right away. We're both avid fans of the spicy beef strip delicacy. Turns out it's Slim Jim flavored beef jerky. What the fuck? Yeah, it tastes exactly like a super spicy and sour Slim Jim stick but in beefy strips - yes, mechanically removed chicken and all. I thought it was just the brand, and that they not only made the traditional Slim Jim tiny weiner snack, but good tasting beef jerky that tasted like normal good tasting beef jerky too. Well, I learned that I should never buy their beef jerky again and stick to traditional hardcore beef jerky distributors.

My plan to try to get rid of the excessive sour taste of the jerky is to dip it in italian salad dressing. It kind of works actually and gives it a slightly sweeter taste. Had the dressing been more thick and not so viscous, it would've worked perfectly. Or if we had some duck sauce, then I'd be like, "Fuck that, I'd buy this shitty beef jerky all the time just so I could eat it with duck sauce and it'll taste better than any fucking brownie in the world."

Just a few hours ago after coming home, I finished reading the last few pages of David Lee Roth's Crazy From the Heat. Overall, I'd have to say it was a great pleasure to read. It's one of those books that you just relax and occasionally laugh your fucking ass off. That's what I love so much about Dave, he's such a jolly olly charismatic bastard. You just gotta love him. He's always smiling and whenever I think of him I think of sunshine. Yeah, I'm lame. But the fittingly named Diamond Dave just exudes energy and light. He writes with a witty and positive attitude, he's so fucking awesome. It also impresses me that he didn't need to collaborate with a professional writer to write the book, unlike pretty much every other rockstar or celebrity who's written an autobiography. He ain't that dumb, for a blonde.

His solo stuff suits him so perfectly. It's so happy and shit. Puts me in a good mood too. Sometimes I really wish I had more of his personality, as in I would always take things in good heart and I'm not usually a cynical bitch who thinks the world is all going to hell. I wish I was more positive and had more fun in life like he does.

On the otherhand, in some areas of the book, he seems to just drone on and on and on pretty arrogantly and full of himself. Which I totally understand because that's Diamond Dave for ya. His ego sometimes added a little bid of tediousness. But at other parts it's just fucking awesome. Also, the book didn't really have a plot to it. It was just anecdote after anecdote, all not in chronological order. It's just a mess of stuff put together randomly. Anecdotes and random little tidbits of his weird little mind put on paper. Although, he even admitted, he just wrote everything from how he remembered it, not exactly in chronological order as they happened throughout his life. Hey at least he acknowledged it, and I forgive him for that. He also said the book could've been well over one thousand pages had the editor not watered it down so much. Wow.

I seriously can't help it, but David Lee Roth is sort of hot in a way. I'm sorry! Like I've said before, it's his light that is so great about him. And I guess that's pretty much what gets me. The charisma. And that he's pretty fit, but not too overly fit so that he looks like some fucking twit like Danzig. He's just so fucking hilarious in person. Hey, if I had someone like that around my house all day I probably wouldn't need drugs to cheer me up. And not to mention that he makes some pretty funny facial expressions.

He didn't explain why as a baby he was in leg braces, just mentioned that he was in leg braces for a while. But he's so full of Red Bull inside of him that the braces exploded around his legs with a little *POP!* and he jumped up out of that baby chair and started doing jumpkicks in the air at age three while in a bib.


Christina N. @ 10:12 PM