The worst thing to happen when you're having a bad day is when you're walking home in your bad mood and all of a sudden this car backing out of the parking lot that you're walking through blasts Phil Collins in your ear. Horrible, I say, just unbelievably fucking horrible. Well for some reason at the end of B days, or maybe just the end of today, that I was in a bad mood. Who knows why. It's a fucking B day.
No, not B day as in your fucking slang spelling of Shit-Out-By-Your-Mom Day.
While reading David Lee Roth's autobiography, Crazy From the Heat, the other day, I had read the most hilarious paragraph on Keith Richards' brain (or anything else left of his heroinized body) capacity. I'll give you two paragraphs so that you could see what Diamond the Jew Dave is talking about.
"My physical and emotional peak has to be right around 9:15 P.M. and that includes on a Tuesday night. So everything is shifted to accommodate that. You can't wake up when the sun comes up, stay up all day and expect to peak at 9:15 at night. There's no way to do it. You only have so many calories to burn in a given day. You only have so much distance you can do in a given day. So everything you do is designed to accommodate that; what you eat or don't eat or how you sleep or don't sleep.
And that is also inclusive of wildly diverse approaches, a la the guy who's way hyped on amino acids and Met-Rx and is doing split training and eating pure protein, and that's how he accommodates. Or the Keith Richards approach of "I try not to eat during the week, man." Hey, Keith has been showing up at 9:15 on the dot for thirty-five years, and it's still worth seventy-five bucks a pop, if you're askin' me. I'm not sure Keith knows what an amino acid is. I assure you that it's not in his medical bag. Vitamins to Keith Richards is purely slang."
There are so many pictures in his book that I'd love to scan and make fun of even further than he already has, but thy scanner hath no software.
Wh-wh-what? Peter Gabriel was once hot? Yes, because then he got hit with a sledgehammer. It's a balanced thing - immediately get rid of your looks, and you poop out a hit record.
Sting and George Michael had that 5 o'clock shadow war going on. Unlike in Beverly Hills 90210 where Jason Priestley and Luke Perry had that sideburn war under full fire.
Tony Basil ain't gonna be cheering for ya.
And here's our man of the hour.
This is me when my mom brings home California oranges from the supermarket. My hair suddenly turns blonde and I rock out like a maniac.
The Nuge. Sometimes if you read my last name, Nguyen, wrong, it sort of sounds like Nugent. Maybe he's my father but is ashamed of fathering a minority child, so he legally changed my name and sent me away.
Christina N. @ 8:36 PM
