Wednesday, April 27
So he chose someone else. That is what that last Jack Handey's "Deep Thought" was about. During this time around in failure of finding love, I am not as overtly sad as opposed to any other type of almost optimistic feeling. I think I can handle this, and hopefully handle it well. As a matter of fact, at first I started out confused, then got angry, and now I am quite determined to prove everyone wrong that I am not inferior to them. No crying, that is fucking ridiculous. Keep in mind that I am nothing near that.

I could be taking this too seriously, still. He could be playing a game to make me jealous; et cetera, et cetera. But using someone like that without their knowing is absolutely devious, he wouldn't do that to somebody.

I am just fine with this, I'm not that hurt at all. It's just that I'm so fucking confused. Baffled. I don't think this other girl is right for him at all. Mainly because well, like I've said, she lacks the depth and character of a suitable person for such a great individual such as he himself. In other words, she's too much of a bitch, shall I say, for him.

Another cause of my sincere astonishment and concern is that I don't want her to end up treating him like she had done to me. So I'll clear this out for you.

She and I were great friends in our earlier years of knowing each other, and then up to this year for some reason way beyond my knowledge, her head is suddenly three thousand feet up in the clouds, and ignores me. We, over the past few weeks or so, have, in tiny doses, started talking and rekindling our friendship again. But it feels like we're starting over; We are complete strangers; I can never interact with her in the same free way as I had before. It's just awkward now and I have quite a feeling that she wants nothing to do with me anymore - And all of this, I have absolutely no idea why.

Except for that usual excuse of being teenagers in high school, which is probably it. But I would really like for a better reason of her ignorance and conceitedness.

So in conclusion, I don't want him to be in the risk of being hurt and ignored by someone that he cares for. Just like what had happened to me.

Maybe I care about certain people too much and I should just suck it up and move the fuck on, and leave people alone. Which I will. But I hate the possibility of whenever talking to any of those two in the future, I will always have this overbearing dark cloud weighing me down inside, this guilt-ridden feeling.


Christina N. @ 8:52 PM