Saturday, March 5
So the folks and sibling left for another one of those stupid parties. This time I didn't go because there is no money involved. But I'm still rather unhappy. The mother was giving me such a hard time all day, because I had been giving her a hard day in return. For some reason, my lack of doing anything and lack of motivation for anything, at all, is starting to really fucking irritate her. It's starting to irritate me too. It's just some horrible habit that I just can't get rid of. Maybe I have a marijuana plant planted into my mind, and it's forcing me to not do anything or care about a single fucking thing.

They left the house with a bad note. I could tell that no one really gave a fuck about me, telling by the look on her face. It saddens me to think that I could depress the people who have taken care of me my whole life. Over the past few months I have gotten more freedom, with no one bothering me all the time to do homework or scheduling my day on what to do, and I've taken that privilege for granted. To the point of being the biggest asshole there could possibly be.

I'm seriously willing to change. And I think the main factor in this downfall of my personality and habitry is this stupid fucking computer and its stupid fucking LiveJournal and Myspace and Metal Sludge and all this other bullshit that I carelessly and wastefully waste my life away with for twelve hours every day. It'll only be a few years until I leave this place and the company of my parents. Yeah, I'm sounding like a fucking sap right now, but I bet you stupid fucks just won't admit it. You don't want to leave your home. Or maybe it's just especially hard for me because, I rarely leave this place anyway, and when you stay with something for so long you become more and more attached to it, no matter how many hard times you go through.

It's like an old wrinkly cranky sterile couple that's been married for fifty years. They argue like Saddamn Hussein and George Bush in the same room, or me and Oderus Stinklefuck from Gwar at Macy's. But just cannot separate from one another no matter what.

Today after waking up and eating lunch, I spent six hours on my bed watching the Project Runway marathon. It's a good show, but I felt like such a sorry asshole not interacting with anyone. My mom thinks I talk a hell of a fucking lot when outside of the house and just chooses to ignore their own family. Well she's fucking wrong, I never talk to anyone. It's rare when I talk like a fucking maniac, because when I do, it's because I'm real happy to see that person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy to see my folks, but I talk as much to them as I normally would to anyone else. I talk like a maniac when I haven't seen a person in a really long time, something like that.

I also noticed that later into Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It," they start to sound like Poison. That's why I hate that song now. And the fact that the lyrics are too fucking cliche and typical and cheesy angsty. I like Dee Snider though, his personality is ecclectic and shit, but god, his band sucks.

It's about time I noticed that most '80s bands sound alike. I'm such a dumb shit like that.


Christina N. @ 8:00 PM