Tuesday, March 29
I did not triumph. Once I got to bed last night and thought about the movie again, I started to cry and tears flowed. I cried myself to sleep. Stupid fuckers, torturing stupid fucking saps like me.

Today went by pretty fast. Despite the fact that everyone was sick and didn't really have anything to say. I felt like I was the only hopeful one, and who also wasn't sick, by the way. Everything slowed down to a painful agony in art class, the last period of the goddamn day. I'm still working on my silkscreening and had to go make a photocopy of my design, and when I came back, all the damn latino fucks looked at me, and I knew that they were talking about asians, in spanish. I had to stand by them in front of a nearby desk to put my photocopy into the silkscreening machine piece of shit, and then they asked me if I was chinese. People ask that question to me as much as I make fun of Axl. I said no, they asked what I was, I said I was vietnamese. And one fuck goes "Damn!" I have no idea what that was about, being that they were talking in spanish before and just started speaking in english again and I couldn't comprehend enough of what was left to find out what exactly it was that they were saying.

My seat is beside the biggest stupid fuck of them all. And while I was taping some piece of shit to another piece of shit, someone threw a paper ball at my back. I turned around and one guy looked at me and smirked or something, and the fucking perpetrator had his back to me. Later on in class when I was at my seat again and he got up to go somewhere, the stupid assfuck threw something at my hair, I think. I felt something hit my long fucking locks and it wasn't no fucking accident.

Racism, it's not mainly in caucasians anymore, it's in latino folks now. Or at least in my school. I don't know what makes them think they're so much better than me, or anybody else. I'm no different than any other person when it comes to how important every individual or "type" of individuals is. Yes, I know I'm not the typical, quintessential geektwat with the glasses and squinty eyes and Pokemon cards or Hello Kitty toy kind of asian, but I still don't know what makes those latin kids dislike me still. I've never said or done a thing, I only sit at the table adjacent to theirs. I kind of think they pick on asians because they're too fucking full of wombat puss to pick on caucasians, they know that caucasians are of supposed higher rank than them, and besides them and everyone else, who's a caucasian in that class, I'm the only exception. Well except for another indian girl, but she sits pretty far from them, so there's no preference to her.

I haven't received such racial behavior since seventh grade, when this guy in gym class called to me, "Hey, chinese girl!" Even then, this other boy was really annoyed by it. He was caucasian, and I did appreciate his concern. He kept complaining to the dude who called me that, and still continued to say that he was sorry about the guy's behavior to me.

I was pretty sad for the duration of class after the paper ball being thrown at me, and proceeded to drift in melancholy on my walk home and upon greeting my mom. I didn't tell her though. She brought pizza dough and such ingredients from the supermarket today, so we made a pizza and after a few tries of sticking the pizza in and out of the oven, it finally was almost to the right level of crisp. It was damn good anyway.

I'm not going to fucking bash the hell out of latino folks now. Honestly, race is probably the single last fucking thing I ever see in a person. I usually notice their eyes, and through their eyes you could see a whole lot of things about them. Not everything, but definitely a more in-depth vision on who they are than what their skin color or hair texture is. Or just the way they talk could tell you more about them. There's plenty of other things to a person besides what fucking part of the world they're from. I don't have anything against anyone coming from Holland, or Australia, or Columbia, or wherever the fuck climate in where people are able to fuck. I don't give a flying shit.

My mom was not notified of this for she'd take it a bit beyond proportion, in my opinion, and lecture me for an hour or two; going from this aspect of racism to that aspect of looks and so forth. I don't need to hear it again. She tells me things that happened to her in the real world, like that other time last year at Shop Rite, when these african americans made a fool of her over a few bananas at the cash register. But I'm not going to elaborate on that, it's even embarassing enough for myself to talk about it, even having just heard it from her by word of mouth.


Christina N. @ 6:06 PM