Thursday, February 10
I am in such a mood to love. I want to take care of someone and to love them, and to make sure that they are happy. After reading Brittany's journal, it has given me this most fulfilling feeling. She's so deep and inspirational. What a great fucking person she is. I admire her a lot. Even her flaws, which she claims to be so horrifically difficult to overcome. But yet she deals with them in such a way, in most cases to overcoming them and beating them to the fucking ground. God, she's too fucking awesome and is such a beautiful person inside.

People, including Brittany, say that, "To love, one must first learn to love themself." I think I've mentioned before that I think I have reached this level of confidence. Or at least almost. I can definitely tell that there is some insecurity within me still, but at the same time I couldn't really give a fuck. I want to love someone and be real fucking sure they feel the same way back. It would be the greatest feeling in the world. Only to feel this emotion, even for just a little while, would make my life worth living after all. Caring about someone and knowing that they appreciate you and love you so much back just fucking fills your heart up so much. Maybe Christina is starting to learn to give rather than to take.

But yesterday is a terrible example.

Maybe it's my hormones speaking, or I really do want to help someone. Or fulfull someone. It would be great. And I'm destined to find that fucker.


Christina N. @ 6:02 PM