Sunday, February 6
My pact to stop obsessing over the internet has broken. After only three days. More like two, because I didn't go to bed until 1:00 last night.

Why am I so tired all the time? No matter how much or how less I sleep at what time, I still always yawn like a bitch. Even during gym class while running or during an evacuation drill or watching Welcome to the Videos. Especially during gym class. Maybe I'm meant to be a bum. Sometimes I hope there isn't something seriously wrong with me though. Probably isn't. Or maybe. Who knows.

Writing papers fucking ruin my day. Why can't the teachers ask us questions individually and we can explain our answers that way instead? Speaking is much faster and easier, not to mention easier to understand, than writing. So much more comes to mind that way.

Last night at the party [if you could call it that], the usual subject of my acne came up. Thanks to my mom. All she talks about are my flaws. I haven't heard her say something good about me in months. She even said she was afraid that I'll never be able to get a husband. Now that's the most bullshit I've ever heard since a Gwar song. If Lyle Lovett can get chicks like Julia Roberts, then I could get dudes like Colin Farrell. God, just because I have some blemishes here and there doesn't make me a fucking toad. I don't call myself grade-A sexy ass, but I can't call myself grade-Z fucking nutbag either.

But you know what? Fuck her, I like the way I look. She bases too much shit on vanity. It makes it even worse that she's pretty hot herself, non-homosexually speaking. So it could be a case of arrogance, feeling that no one can beat herself in terms of good looks.

What else fucking scared the living fucking shit out of me was this afternoon at lunch, she asked how Alan was. And I swear to fucking god to fucking Jesus to fucking Mary to fucking satan that I was completely disgusted. She said it exactly as "So how is he?" Fucking god, is he the fucking Gwar of possibilities for Christina to hook up with. Is my mother really that fucking close-minded to think that fucking douche is my type? I almost even felt insulted about the boy from school too. Perhaps she wasn't talking about Alan in that type of way, but I could tell that she totally was. Also because she didn't ask about anybody else. Not Ellen or their parents. This fucking sickens me. I fucking hate asian males to begin with, and talking about this dumb shit? Gag me with a spoon.

I've always considered my mother to be a smart person, but come on, this is quite the obvious. Judging by the way I dress and my interests and my lack of enthusiasm in school should imply that Alan and I are like a negative and a negative charge facing each other - they try to get the fuck away. This is incredibly disgusting.

It made me almost think of it as an insult to the dude from school because it sort of makes me think that the dude from school is a fucking loser and that Alan, being a great student as his mother claims, is good for me. Even my mom acknowledges how ugly this stupid fuck is. And she asks me what I think of him. What a fucking diss.


Christina N. @ 6:19 PM