Saturday, January 22
The strangest thing happened yesterday. While the pizza was baking in the oven, the mother tells me to check on if it's done. So I stick my hand in the oven to check the pizza was warm enough. The fucking pizza zaps me! Zap, as in static electricity. I saw the fucking blue bolt come from the pizza absorbing into my fucking finger. Reminded me of some kind of crazy '80s teen movie. For some reason the '80s had a lot of lightning bolts and smoke and shit going on in their movies. And I'm a teen. Wouldn't that make a great film? No, it wouldn't. For America's Funniest Home Videos if I had a camera in the back of my oven, yes. You should've seen my face, I was fucking shocked.

For the first time in my entire life I've watched more than four minutes of BET. I don't know why, but they're airing this Fresh Prince of Bel Air marathon and not their rump shaking competitions. It's been awesome. That show is fucking genius. I don't get why I seem to be cracking up even more after I've watched every episode about forty times already.

Also read more of The Dirt.

Nikki: "I really have to get laid. I'm going crazy."
Sharon Osbourne: "No, you can't, Nikki," she said firmly. "You're going to get a disease."
Nikki: "I don't care about diseases," I cried. "I'll get a shot. I just want to get laid."
Sharon: "Okay," she relented. "Just this once."
Nikki: "Thanks, Mom."


Christina N. @ 3:57 PM