The sibling is watching All That in her own fucking room with the volume turned up real fucking loud. Avril Lavigne is the musical guest. I literally squeezed my head and cringed my ugly fucking face in agony.
All day I have been watching the America's Next Top Model marathon. It totally lowered my self confidence and inspired me to whiten my teeth and get rid of my acne. Fix them for good. And getting more calcium. I must grow. Yes, I am very shallow-minded and as I continue to watch this goddamn marathon all the way to its very end I will officially become depressed and OmG sO GoTh!
Holy shit, my stomach churned just typing that. But improving my image to the naked eye with the start of eating ice cream and mashed potatoes while drinking is quite hypocritical.
The orthodontist was cool. One of his aides gave me this totally kick ass new retainer box which she bribed me into accepting because it just looked so fucking awesome.
Turquoise with blue and white and green splattered all over it, can't get any sexier than that. They keep giving me new boxes every time I go, which by now adds up to about ten. None of which looked as sexalicious as this new one. Even if I never use them, they keep on giving me more and more. I only wear my retainers when I go to bed, and during the day they're soaking in dencher cleaner in a cup in the bathroom. Yes, dencher cleaner. Retainers in dencher cleaner. Makes perfect sense. Get with the program, dipshit.
Then we went to MacDonald's to get some breakfast and headed down to Jeannie's house in Wharton. Wharton is one hell of a scary looking place. Well, in my pussyful opinion. The clouds didn't completely clear yet and the ground was still wet, everything was pretty dark and dim and nasty. In addition to all the wiggers and latino fucks who live there in their cheap duplexes who can't even fucking afford a house, because they spent it on that forty year old busted Cadillac that can't even open the hood without droppingtheir nasty fat asses on it first with a nice butt flop.
But Jeannie's no latino fuck. Because she is asian and she is related to me. Because you know, I am so anti-ghetto in da hood. We have no gangsta DNA wangstas in our blood.
My mom said when I smile I have that Jack Nicholson smile. Exactly like when he was the Joker in the Batman movie. That is in no fucking way a compliment. She says this in front of everyone and everyone starts laughing. Including me, which just displays that horrible demonic arch in my face.
After our little breakfast soiree, we went to the big ass Shop Rite in Wharton. Oh man, I had so much fun grocery shopping for what had been almost a year since the last time. Call me a crazy fuck, but that indeed is what I am. Good thing there were no hot guys there, for I really needed a shower and tied my hair up, which is done for only, only two occasions. Those being 1.) at home where I have to do work and shit, and 2.) whenever I haven't bathed efficiently the day before. I feel sorry for my orthodontist, bending over my head so closely like that. There were nothing but old soccer moms who were a foot shorter than me with big saggy fat asses that quadruple the size of my flat pancakes and old men who were a foot taller than me with gray hair which I frequently mistaken for big saggy fat cats.
Just being in the presence of so much food makes me ecstatic. Brownies, cheese puffs, lasagna, soda, beer, cupcakes, beef jerky, bacon, oh man it's all there. And shopping carts are fucking awesome. They're the perfect size for smashing young children who walk up to you and call you ugly. Plus, if you got enough food in it, you could feel their bones being crushed and their flesh being stretched into tire-cracked waffle-like rubber soles.
Got home and then started the confidence killer marathon afore mentioned.
The sibling learned how to whistle. She does it in the car. It is extremely irritating.
My folks' friend is over to help install marble flooring. He's doing nothing and is in the basement singing karaoke and drinking Heineken and eating shrimp cooked in a twenty dollar skillet purchased from JC Penney.
Christina N. @ 9:57 PM
