Friday, November 19
It's Friday night and I've got nothing to do. No one to spend it with. Well no one would like to spend any time with me at all so I'll just have to deal with that. If my folks and kin aren't doing anything next weekend, I think I'll go out. But like I said, probably no one wants to with me. So maybe I'll just end up hanging somewhere alone. And no, not by a noose.

Overall, this entire week sucked.

The teacher bought us munchkins again in history class. Again, I was one of the last people for the goddamn box to come to. Fucking assholes, they've already got enough whale blubber on themselves.

That reminds me, in first grade every child was assigned a seat in the cafeteria at lunch, and I sat across from this rather, let's say, fat, girl and her normal sized friend. Well somehow the three of us got into this talk about the cold weather and the fat girl started to complain about how she was always getting cold. Then I said something about her having a lot of fat, wouldn't that keep her warm? You should have seen the confused look on their faces. I was so glad to come home that day in one piece.

First block, french class. Oh god I seriously just could not take it today. I guess I was either really irritable this morning out of some weird surge of sudden loneliness and sadness of some sort. Probably induced by raging hormones that need to be cooled down or I really am a lonely dumb shit. So I pretended to go to the bathroom, and forgetting my money I couldn't go to buy food in the cafeteria. And so I just took a nice leisurely stroll around my beautiful home of higher New Jersey suburban education. And again I still laugh at the confused looks on people's faces in every single fucking classroom that I walk past.

I had to work on a dialogue with Diana and Karla. Maybe it's just Karla's natural habit and really didn't mean any harm, but she was totally ignoring me and having just the grand ol' time with Diana. All I ask for is at least some sort of compassion or acknowledgement of my being there, and having to work with them. I know I have similar habits, but at least I do acknowledge every other being in my presence, it's called respect, asshole. I haven't displayed this sort of similar behavior in a long time, for this horrible wave of a change of personality and sociability has overtaken me over the past year or so. That took away my once big mouth full of overwhelming obnoxious bullshit. Yes, I used to speak a lot. A lot of obnoxious bullshit. A lot of bossy bullshit. Just plain shit. This new quietness, sometimes I seriously just cannot help it at all. Maybe it's the person I'm talking to, I just can't open up to them, sometimes it takes me a year to. But now, for some reason I can't open up to anybody at all anymore. Even with the people that I used to blab on forever like a female unwrinkly genitaled Howard Stern. It's a good possibility that there will be more changes in my nature as I grow older, but right now it is hurting my relationships with my peers, or so I feel. It's just so fucking hard to say one single thing that's worth continuing a conversation, and it's that fucking hard. I don't get why.

My mom told me that when she was around my age and well into her twenties she had the same problem. She just couldn't talk. Of course I didn't tell her about my problem, for she still assumes that I have a big ass mouth and is as popular Michael Jackson in a leather black dress on an island inhabited by nothing but thousands of Gary Colemans. Then after she got married, she just all of a sudden out of nowhere started talking like a maniac. I swear, she could have a talk show that just talks about poo and lactose intolerant people and it would be a hit.

The rest of my day was just head on boredom. Eight hours in such an institution is an utter waste of my mind. In one single class alone I feel that I only learn useful tidbits and mouthfuls of information for only about twenty, fifteen, even ten minutes out of the entire hour and a half of classtime. The rest is stupid fucking bullshit that other students pour all over the teacher and expecting the teacher to spoon feed Lucky Charms into their worthless empty cereal bowls that they call their brains. Everyone, all the time, asks such dumb shit that it really makes me wonder if anyone left in this world has any common sense at all. A great example is drivers' ed. Please don't get me started. Because already I seem to be perturbing you enough with this entire satirical encyclopedia of crap of an entry. We only go to school and learn useful shit for a portion of the total alloted time. That really fucking sucks.

But then again, like someone told me last year, school is in a way a form of babysitting. Keeping you and your bullshit away from your parents so they could get that Doc Marten out of their ass for a couple of hours a weekday. And perhaps all the extra time that we're bored out of our stupid minds in school is to build patience in ourselves, and give our homes and kin more worth to come home to every day.

God, I write way too fucking much. Much more than what I speak in a day. That's what I call depressing. I pulled a John Paul Jones, man.


Christina N. @ 9:23 PM