Saturday, October 30
I helped cook a lot of our dinner today, and helped eat a lot of it also. My mom just bought one of those spinning rotisserie things, the ones that have been advertised in 30 minute long informercials for the past 30 years. Ah yes, they're calling Showtime Rotisseries or something. We have a Jr. Showtime. Hence its smaller size. For we don't like eating 20 pound turkeys that were scraped off of our bumpers 5 months ago. We cooked steak or something. It tasted damn fucking good. And for all the gluttony of drinking salad dressing, lapping up macaroni, along with the steak, I get horrible heartburn. Thank you God, for punishing me. Punishing me for eating the cow or whatever the fuck it was that I skewered with 2 non-stick teflon covered metal rods and stuck in an oven, to rotate in 360 degree angles in front of hellish red heat rods for an hour. Oh man, I'm sitting far back on my big ass crappy chair and I feel like my stomach and vagina's gonna explode. Food bloating and menstrual pain is not a good mix.

God, I had "You're the Inspiration" stuck in my head out of absolutely fucking nowhere while I was brushing my teeth this morning. That's not funny. Stop giggling you fucking shit.

Never mention "The Final Countdown" to me. It's like heroin to my brain. Drills right through the center with a rusty drillbit smothered in napalm and chili powder. Thanks VH1, for exposing my fragile 15 year old adolescent mind to horrible music. I'm really, really, really fucking surprised and baffled at how Gwar wasn't on the countdown of The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs. Seriously, NO GWAR. It's like asking what our MacDonald's french fries are fried in, Axl's blubber or Larry Flynt's wart juice.

So I'm going to New York again tomorrow. At fucking 9:00 in the fucking morning. My dad can be such a fucking dry cunt. "Go early, come back early." I really don't get what his fucking problem with the city is. Yesterday, while I was wiping off the dining table after dinner, he stands 3 feet away from me, drinking water or just standing there on purpose I wasn't paying attention, and he rips this huge gastic that's so fucking loud it could pierce your eardrums, leaving nothing left but 2 year old smokey green earwax. I would've cursed him out with some WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR's and WHAT THE FUCK? DO THAT TO SOMEONE ELSE'S UGLY FACE's, but he's an authoritative figure and my mom was just in the other room also and would've used all those FUCK's right back at me just because I was defending myself from a gaseous death.

I'm eating french vanilla cake frosting right out of the container. Sometimes I prefer raw icing rather than ice cream. Or maybe it's just that the only kind of ice cream that's sitting in the refrigerator is the flavor of Real Menstruated Stawberry.

Hal Sparks has a Myspace and added me back. I totally freaked. That's right, the Hal Sparks AKA Zoltan and the hot dude on I Love the 80's. Velvet Revolver has one too. They're too cool to add me back. I was told that it takes them about 2 days to add someone back and I added them this morning at 12:30 or something. Let's just hope that's true.

I have the most undesirable lovely feeling to meet all the people that I only know online. Yeah, all my Livejournal friends and such. Knowing all these shitheads who live in this town, god they could just go suck a yak's twat. And to find these awesome people living miles and miles away, just really makes you wonder what they're really like and if they're really as kick ass as they seem to be.

Probably one of my new favorite shows ever to be aired on primetime television is Complete Savages. I fucking adore it. It's the only show I put aside my schedule of eating, shitting, and typing to sit my ass in front of the tube and laugh until my diaphragm disintegrates into moldy pieces of cat liver. Last night's was fucking hilarious. The oldest son, Chris, was forced to slice his old pet frog Franklin, after whining like a pussy, by his science teacher. The ghost of the frog comes back at night while he's sleeping and tells him to save his girlfriend, the class pet Lily, and his soul will be saved. He's such a dumbass that Franklin makes him promise to bring someone to help him. When he and his brothers and dog sneak into the school at night to pull the prank, and while they argue about his stealing the frog prank from the teacher is really stupid and that they're not going to take the frog with them and want to steal the skeleton and lab coat to stick in the lion cage at the zoo instead, the dog eats the frog behind their backs. Chris the dumbass is just crushed.

Franklin comes back to haunt the dog this time at night.

Franklin the Frog: "YOU ATE MY GIRLFRIEND!"

Yeah, that was dumb. But funny nonetheless if you watched it.


Christina N. @ 8:31 PM